My lock up began a week or two before Valentine’s Day. Neither of us attached any importance to that. It was purely a coincidence. However, when I realized that (just a few minutes ago), it occurred to me that I have written a lot of words about forced chastity and caged male and keyholder issues without spending much time on the most important facet of this to me: my love for Mrs. Lion. She’s been the center of my world for about twelve years. I can’t imagine my life without her. Whether or not I wear a chastity device that won’t change. However, something is different now. I’ve been trying to put my finger on it for a while and now I think I have.
When Mrs. Lion had her sexual dry spell, I really missed the exciting play and hot sex. But I never considered that the change had anything to do with our love. We do everything together and always have. The fact that sex for me became infrequent hand jobs didn’t change any of that. Yes, I really missed sex, spankings, bondage, anal play and all the other stuff we did for the first years together, but it never occurred to me that she was taking something away from me. I learned that I could be disappointed about not getting things I want without being angry or distant from the one I love. We were caught in a vicious circle. I have a serious problem initiating and Mrs. Lion felt deprived because I wasn’t doing that and had lost much of her interest in sex. We both felt badly but unlike many, never considered that an issue with our love or relationship.
I was probably the most affected by this. Here I am a big strong guy; a leader who can’t make himself the sexual aggressor. That bugs me to this day. I am trying to accept it’s how I’m wired, but it is so out of sync with the rest of my life it constantly gets to me. But I never thought Mrs. Lion had anything to do with it; and she didn’t. In many ways we became best friends who slept next to each other and occasionally had some masturbation time. The one part of our relationship that this hurt was affection. We continued to hold hands. We do that all the time. but we both missed the more intimate moments.
I would love to claim that my renewed interest in forced male chastity was a brilliant stroke that I just knew would get us back on track sexually. I didn’t. However, like most men, when horny I did look around the Web for “interesting” ideas. I run a sex toy review web site and while looking at referrers (other sites that haven links to mine), I noticed a chastity forum member had posted a link to my site and my article on women who were approached about being a keyholder. I responded on the forum to the poster and kept reading. I got all turned on by the discussion. Not a hard thing for me to do when horny. Someone mentioned that amazon.com sold some inexpensive Chinese chastity devices. That got me interested and I ordered a couple figuring I could review them. Long story short, I was turned on wearing one (for an hour or two) and so I asked Mrs. Lion how she felt about me being locked up and her having the key.
She agreed because she could see I wanted to do this. Most of the rest of the story is chronicled here in the Journal. What was significant in the present context is that she started this just because I wanted it. I also wanted her to want it too. That was really asking too much. I know that. But she gamely agreed to lock me up even if it didn’t have any value to her.
What happens next is the story you can read here. We got serious about it and between the reality of my cage and our writing here, we renewed our sexual conversation on- and offline. While we probably didn’t need the cage or the blog to do this, we didn’t until we had both. This brings me back to today’s conversation.
My real wish is for Mrs. Lion to embrace my forced chastity and make me understand that it is no longer my decision whether or not I stay locked up. I want her to own when I can orgasm and take charge of some other areas in my life. Over the last five months she has slowly been working into that role. It hasn’t been easy for her, but she is making wonderful progress.
In the meantime, her big wish from me was to initiate sex. It is as important to her as being owned by her is to me. A few days ago I wrote a post about what I would do if I were my keyholder. I tried to be as honest as I possibly could. I also warned Mrs. Lion that she wasn’t being asked to do any of what I said I would do. However, two concepts emerged from my subconscious that really struck home. The first was that if I were my keyholder I would require that I (as caged male) would initiate sexual activity for my keyholder every single day. If she wasn’t in the mood she could say so, but she shouldn’t have to demand sex from me. After I wrote that, it dawned on me that this was the right thing for me, her pet, to do. Who says the keyholder has to demand sex? Why shouldn’t the loving pet offer it freely and accept that she may not always want it? So, I resolved to do just that.
In the top/bottom context of our relationship I would like to be corrected (spanked or shocked) if i fail to follow through every single day. Maybe at some point that will happen too. Regardless, I like the idea and I am following through. Mrs. Lion, your lion will try every single day. Just say so if you aren’t in the mood. Correct me for missing if you want.
The other idea in the post is that while I like rules and discipline, rules aren’t the only way for me to feel the control and discipline. The problem with rules is that each rule requires monitoring and supervision. Making a rule is way more work for the top than the bottom. However, what if instead I get corrected each time I do something that displeases Mrs. Lion, even a little. It will certainly mean a lot of shocks and swats at first, but I think that the training I will get in learning to please my keyholder will be invaluable. It also can benefit her as well. Instead of being forced to notice each rule infraction, she only has to notice when something displeases her. Normally, she suppresses her feelings and I never know what I did unless it is a big thing. Maybe this concept will give her the freedom to surface her feelings about issues big and small.
The gift we get from forced chastity is the license to make significant changes to support this largely sexual concept. It’s becoming a valuable tool that has the ability to help us improve our already-great relationship. I asked Mrs. Lion if I could decide not to be locked up. She thought about it a while and said no, she liked things this way. I like it this way too.