Being a new keyholder has many challenges. One of the most difficult is dealing with sex; not sex for him, but for you. Not every woman considers it her dream sex life when she has to tell her partner what she wants and when. The essence of romance is spontaneous affection and love making. Spur-of-the-moment lovemaking just isn’t possible when your male is caged. At the least there is the interruption while he is unlocked. Then there is the matter of foreplay.
Usually this is the woman’s problem; getting her male to take the time to get her aroused and ready for the main event. In a typical forced male chastity relationship, the male is almost always ready to provide unselfish pleasure to his keyholder. After all, he is locked up and knows that he can only get stimulation if she chooses to provide it. Clearly that dreamt-about spontaneous lovemaking isn’t going to happen with your male caged. Having to unlock him before even beginning can feel very much like “demanding” sex. That isn’t the idea.
Mrs. Lion and I are wrestling with this problem now. It’s come up in the past since I have never been very good at initiating lovemaking. Compounding the situation, Mrs. Lion’s libido hasn’t been very strong lately. This may have been due to medications she was taking. Between locking me up and the increased sexual activity with me and stopping the meds, Mrs. Lion says she is starting to feel more frisky. She’s made it clear that at least some of the time she wants old fashioned vanilla sex. Sounds good to me!
The problem is that she doesn’t want to schedule this. I can’t blame her. Checking the calendar and blocking out time is a buzz kill. On the other hand, I do need to be wild (no cage) if we are to engage in vanilla sex. How do we manage this quandary? We don’t have the answer yet. But we recognize that we need to do something.
It may be that we need to reach a sexual compromise that takes into account the fact that I am caged almost all of the time. My current thinking is that Mrs. Lion signals that she is feeling frisky. I don’t know what that signal will be, but she will need to find something she can do that doesn’t spoil her mood. When I get the signal I can (I don’t have to since this is outside the power exchange) respond with kisses, hugs, fondling, oral contact, etc. Bear in mind that I am still safely locked up.
Mrs. Lion can, if she wishes, let me continue pleasing her until she has several nice orgasms. Or, she can stop the action long enough to unlock me and then I can continue stimulating her. At some point after I am uncaged, she will need to stimulate me as well. Between my age and the natural effect of being continuously in my cage, she can’t expect an instant erection from me. Due to medications I am taking, I may also need a “boner pill” (Cialis or Viagra). this isn’t usually necessary, but some intercourse positions do require it. If that’s the case, then at some point before we actually begin, she may need to suggest that it’s possible she might be in the mood tonight. Cialas works for me two full days. So even if it turns out that tonight wasn’t “the night”, I’ll still be ready to go tomorrow.
My point is that even couples who don’t practice forced male chastity have to make changes to support issues that come up as we age. It doesn’t mean the sex isn’t as good as it once was. It just means that we have to make adjustments for these changes. If couples can have great sex even though interrupted by the need for medication or synthetic lube, then forced male chastity couples can take the time to unlock the male and still have a wonderful, romantic time.
As a keyholder, it’s up to you to let your male know what your “I want romance” signal is. When you send that signal it means that he is to behave the way he would if he didn’t wear a cage and you weren’t in charge. We’ve talked about taking breaks from chastity as another way to support romance. However, breaks are planned events. This suggestion is for unplanned romance and love. Being a keyholder can get a lot nicer when you can have these unplanned romantic moments.
Depending upon your power exchange agreement, there’s no reason why you can’t initiate “kisses, hugs, fondling, and/or offer oral contact, etc.” We sometimes find it easier to fit in a snuggling session (which naturally also is a teasing session for the safely locked up male). It can be easy for the female to relax and receive pleasure when she’s under no pressure or obligation to reciprocate other than allowing access to her body. Spontaneity can still happen if you leave the “leave locked/unlock” decision out of the equation, and just default to “locked.”
This is an old post, but just wanted to say that there is a way to solve this: whenever mrs lion wants vanilla sex, but feels you are not ready for an orgasm (or doesn’t feel the need to give you one) she can have you make love to her and inform her when you are about to come. Then she makes you stop. If she wants more, she can have you continue after a pause. This gives both of you what you want.
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