Cosmopolitan did a study and 70% of the men said they had fantasies of being tied up. 80% of the women said they wanted to be tied up too. I’m not surprised by the number of women who dreamed of bondage. When I was topping, there was never a shortage of willing female victims. If you look at those numbers, there’s really no one left to do the tying. Forced chastity is bondage. The caged male is restrained from access to his penis.
Clearly, almost everyone likes the idea of being tied up, at least at some level. Being tied up means losing control. I suspect that means very different things to men and women. For men, at least like me, it means I no longer get to orgasm when I want. I am at the mercy of my keyholder. Based on my experience and years of workshops with men and women, I suspect that many of the women want to be tied up for the opposite reason; they want to be liberated from the social and moral restrictions on unrestrained pleasure. Almost every woman I topped wanted to be teased to the edge of orgasm and then allowed screaming release. In 2014 that may seem quaint since we are post-feminine liberation and women are not only allowed to enjoy sex, they expect us to give them at least as much fun as we have. Nevertheless, almost all of us, male and female, crave the ability to just give in to sensations and come! Bondage is a great tool to permit that.
What does this have to do with forced male chastity? I think it has a lot to do with it. The odds are three to one that your keyholder has had fantasies of being tied up. She has probably imagined amazing sex while she was helpless to resist or complain. No, this isn’t a rape fantasy. It’s consenting lovers. Now, consider what happens when a male asks to be locked up. If your partner is one of the 70% she may be confused. Her fantasies are about glorious sex while helpless. Yours is about no sex. It doesn’t compute, at least at first. Men and women look at being tied up through very different lenses.
Do you agree that a chastity device is a form of bondage? It is for me. It graphically announces that I have no say in when I will have my next orgasm. Did anyone ask a new keyholder if she wants to decide when you will come next? Did she even think that far ahead when she agreed to lock you up. Since we know that eight out of ten women fantasize about being tied up themselves, could you generate some resentment because you are getting your fantasy and she isn’t? It doesn’t matter that she may never have wanted to make that fantasy come true, on some level she may resent your ability to realize a dream that she can’t.
I know I am not right about 100% of the women who may read this; only 80%. This difference is not insurmountable. I topped for most of my adult life even though I have always wanted to be tied up. Just because I let out my inner submissive doesn’t mean that Mrs. Lion will forever resent that I got “there” first. It does mean that both of us have to be sensitive to each others feelings. As the lucky partner who gets to be tied up, I need to be sure to find ways to provide the pleasure that my lioness isn’t getting because I got tied up first.
Agree with you absolutely that forced chastity is bondage. I’m a big-time bondage bottom, and routinely wear a day-collar and “bracelets” I can’t take off, but nothing gives me quite the thrill of the steel chastity device, that allows me to be in secret bondage 24/7.
I am totally with you in regards to chastity and bondage. I would be equally satisfied being tied up and being locked up. That is to say, 99% of my enjoyment of being locked in a chastity device is the feeling of being sexually aroused, and “attempting” to get an erection. I honestly could do without being locked up during non-sexual times. It’s not super comfortable for me and I get self-conscious about hygiene and people “knowing”. However, the rush I get when my poor cock is “pulsing” as I am being teased is awesome. And, I rather like it when my orgasm is “off the table” so to speak and I can really focus on her pleasure.
Unfortunately, she does not really like to be tied up. I do, but it hasn’t happened in a while.
My husband and I have always practiced some bondage. We both like to be tied up and would both pleasure eachother that way on different occasions. He recently proposed the idea of me being his Goddess and controlling our sex life. After some thought I agreed. And we bought some new toys, one of those was a male chastity device. After experimenting with it, doing some research and reading your wonderful blog we have decided to lock him up on a more permanent basis. The amazing thing about me being is charge is that I can release his chastity device and order him to tie me up. This way we still both get the best of both worlds. I have a lot to learn about being his Keyholder, but I know that is all part of the lifestyle we have chosen.
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