I read a lot of comments by caged males about how their keyholders don’t meet there expectations of how their chastity should play out. They complain that their partners aren’t paying enough attention to their forced chaste state. They don’t get enough sexual teasing. Then some complain that they are properly submissive, but their partners still don’t play the way they want. There is the strident tone of being violated in these complaints. Some go so far as to say that the instant the cage is locked on, they magically become submissive.  The magic conversion to “submissive” is much more likely something that you do because you believe it is part of the experience. Let’s face it, we volunteer to get our penises locked up. Our partners did not sneak up on us while we slept and put us in cages. We volunteered. In fact, most of us had to convince our partners to do this for us.

If our keyholders get into what we asked them to do and take real control it can be a wish come true, or it could be something else, like being left alone with no acknowledgement or stimulation; just a caged cock. At that point, if the control is not to our liking, we try to negotiate for a chastity experience closer to our fantasies. In short, a bit of topping from the bottom. That’s not necessarily a bad thing. After all, you had something in mind when you suggested it.

The other alternative is where your keyholder locks you up out of love but has not real sexual investment in your chastity. This is my current situation. In that case, my submission is directed by me. Is that a bad thing? Not really. Mrs. Lion is doing her part and I have my weenie in a cage. It may not be my dream femdom fantasy, but it is a realization of my wish and maybe with time, it will become something she internalizes too. I really hope so. In the meantime I will continue to behave as a good boy and remain grateful for her attention and love.

We have to realize that we spent quite a while thinking and reading about forced chastity before we approached our keyholders to do this for us. I know that I remind myself daily that Mrs. Lion is only six weeks into having her husband in a cage. She needs time to process this and integrate it into her life. I am profoundly grateful that she is willing to do this for me. It was my idea. I am very happy we are living this fantasy. She deserves enormous credit for her willingness to do this for me. I have my grumpy moments when I wish she were more active and providing more stimulation. But then I realize that this isn’t my game. She has the key and she got it without any strings attached. It’s up to her to decide what happens to me. I’ll just go into a corner and growl quietly out of frustration. I’ll also think about how wonderful it is that I am in this predicament. Thank you Mrs. Lion!


  1. Author

    My question may be more for your wife than for you. What does she get out of it? I’ve been with my husband for almost ten years. Six months into the relationship he told me he had fantasies of being tied up. Eventually I agreed to do it. I can’t tell you how much money he spent on handcuffs, ropes, etc. He was upset that I wasn’t “into it”. Then he decided he wanted to be spanked. Again he bought paddles, floggers, etc. Again he was upset that I wasn’t as excited as he was. Now he’s moved onto chastity. He was happy for a while just being tied with rope. Then he bought a plastic cage thing. Then he bought a metal cage thing. Every time he changes his mind I have to adjust to the new thing. It’s harder to get him into the new cage. It doesn’t unlock as easily. It’s a lot of work for little reward on my part.

    In the beginning he was attentive and actually seemed to care about pleasing me. He has changed. Now he wants me to take what I want. I don’t want to make him do anything. When he does pay attention to me it seems that he just goes through the motions. As a result I’m no longer interested in sex. I’ve told him I just want plan old vanilla sex. He says that doesn’t excite him. So my question for you and your wife is, if you get her attention with something that doesn’t excite her, does she get your attention in the way she likes?

    I do love my husband and I meant what I said when I said for better or worse.

    1. Author

      My lion fails to mention that in the beginning he was getting some sort of sex every night. Every night. We’ve discussed my desire for him to initiate a lot over the years. I know it’s difficult for him. Is it more difficult for him to initiate than it is for me to tie him up, spank him, clothes pin him, and any other thing he’s asked me to do? I guess it is. When I hit my limit of playing with him without reciprocation, he didn’t understand why I would only give him hand jobs and blow jobs. At one point he told me he needed more than vanilla sex. I told him I’d be happy with vanilla sex. Again he said it was hard for him to initiate. At another point when he skooched over in bed (his subtle hint that he’s horny) he told me it had been nine days (I forget the exact number) since he had had an orgasm I couldn’t believe it. He’s counting? My first thought was that it had probably been nine weeks since I had had an orgasm. And again he said he would try to initiate. After waiting all this time for him to initiate it’s no wonder I don’t have any sex drive. Then he makes me feel like it’s my fault that he misses being inside me. Hello?

      To some extent I think we both suffer from “bait and switch”. They were attentive in the beginning, suckering us in, and then they change gears and want us to take over. It’s true, my Lion does control most of the rest of our lives. I think one reason for that is that I feel I’m beating my head against a wall in the sex department so I’ve given up deciding what we eat, where we go, and so on.

      When he asked me to cage him I said yes because I always want him to be happy. When he told me I should hide the key so he can’t cheat, I hid the key. When he told me I should tease him every few days or he’ll lose interest I made it a point to tease him every few days. When I told him he should wear a diaper on weekends I thought he liked it. He’s the one who suggested it many years ago. I figured it was a way of doing something else that he liked that showed my control without me actually having to do anything. It wasn’t until I read this blog (that I didn’t know existed until your post prompted him to tell me) that I found out he doesn’t like the diapers.

      So, after all that, the short answer to “what do I get out of it?” is that I like making him happy.

      As for his suggestion of scheduled sex, if I’m not feeling sexual then being on a schedule will not help. I mean, Tuesday at 8:30 pm doesn’t cut it. I think we need to start out slow and cuddle more. His idea of initiating sex is to start right in with his tongue or finger. My idea is cuddling and going from there. I need to watch the movie trailers before we jump right into the feature presentation.

      I know it’s difficult, but explain this to your husband. Maybe let him read it here. On the one hand it will show him that you’re interested in keeping him caged. On the other hand it will open the conversation for what you need.

      Good luck and let us know how it goes.

  2. Author

    We have similar issues. In fact, I think they are virtually the same. Our relationship started with d/s play. It has always been important to me. Part of the early activities included pleasing her before I got to come. This format didn’t work very well for her. Over time the play just died out and so did the sex.

    Recently, I initiated the chastity play and we talked about our needs. It was a good talk. Mrs. Lion explained that she doesn’t want to tell me to please her. She wants me to take the initiative. One of the reasons that I have wanted sexual domination is that while I am a type A person most of the time and I manage pretty much everything in our marriage, sexually I really need her to take the lead. I can’t explain this any more than I can explain that I naturally lead in most everything else. I manage for a living. It could be yin/yang or something like that. I just don’t know.

    This may feel irreconcilable, but I don’t think so. Like Mrs. Lion, you clearly don’t want to take sex and demand satisfaction. And like your husband, I am not very successful at initiating sex. From my perspective, there is probably a middle ground, though we haven’t found it yet. Just as Mrs. Lion puts me in a diaper every weekend (she just expects me to do this), maybe we can do the same thing with sex. I realize that it sounds pretty unromantic to set up a sex schedule for her pleasure, but it is one way to work around her reluctance to take sexual control and my inability to just initiate.

    We haven’t discussed this. She may read it here for the first time. Last night I told her of your comment and how it seemed to match our situation. I asked her to respond. The weird thing is that I really love pleasing her. I love the way she feels and tastes. I love being inside her. I know she feels the same about me. So here we are with this chasm of our own making. Others I know are better matched from the sexual control perspective. They don’t have this issue.

    Here is my idea. If you try it, please share how it works for you. If Mrs. Lion agrees, we will set up a lioness pleasing schedule. On those days I will find a way to provide her with as much pleasure as I can. Talk about homework being fun! She has the option of rewarding me if she wishes, or not. It doesn’t matter. Because I know that she wants me to do this on those days, I will feel her control. I know she won’t see it that way, but I don’t think that matters so much. The point is that we both win.

    We really need the intimacy we are missing. I really need to feel her control. I want her to tie me up, spank me, and do all those fun d/s things I love. I want to drive her wild with desire and satisfy it with mind-blowing orgasms. Maybe, we can use the idea of schedule to bridge our gap. Maybe if we do this for a while, we will find a more organic way to enjoy sex.

    The key, I think, is that her/your role in this is to assure that the schedule is followed and if there are any exceptions there is a cost. As I wrote about our diaper play, this appears to be something Mrs. Lion is reasonably comfortable doing.

    What’s in it for her? She has a way to meet a deep need of mine and provides me the ability to please her. I don’t know why you find it so tough to ask for sex, but Mrs. Lion has the same issue. I don’t know if my idea is viable for our relationship, but it is an idea. More than chastity, spanking, bondage and other play I want her to be happy and content. I want to be able to demonstrate my love physically and emotionally. I love her more than anything and it hurts when I find myself unable to initiate the way she wants.

    Mrs. Lion may post her views here too. I hope she does.

  3. Author

    Well I discussed things with my husband and he said he’d try. Again. So far he’s been a little more attentive, but not exactly cuddling. I’ve read a few of the other posts that say I should just take what I want, that I deserve happiness and ultimately that’s what he wants me to do anyway. What if what I want is what I’m asking for right now? What if I want vanilla sex? What if I don’t want to order him to do anything? What if I think a marriage/relationship is an equal partnership? No one is dominant. No one is submissive. That’s my happiness. I can give him his happiness to some extent. Why can’t he give me mine to any extent?

  4. Author

    Have either couple here tried a written contract? Where she spells out her “rules” including vanilla sex and any other things she needs him to do and as part of his chastity, he has to follow those rules? They could include things like “date night”, cuddling and whatever else she needs to get turned on. Maybe the guys need the rules to go by. Draw it up and have them sign it. Just a thought. Another thought is to have an agreement or contract for 2 weeks his way, two weeks hers (or a month etc…). The idea is to find a compromise where you can both be happy and enjoy each other without feeling you have given up what you need. Jester and I don’t have or need a contract as we are on the same page in our lifestyle. We have agreed that if I need a break to goo back to vanilla, we will take a break.

  5. Author

    I can’t help but wonder if the long drought of appropriate attention isn’t causing some “show me that you love me” in terms of expected sexual behavior. In my case, the reason things have deteriorated has a lot to do with my need for encouragement. Just because I am a confident male in the rest of my life doesn’t mean that I am equally confident that I know exactly what to do to please my lioness.

    My suggestion is that you treasure each small advance and encourage him by letting him know subtly how much you like it. I know that when I try to make an advance, it would be a big help if Mrs. Lion would let me know she likes what I am doing. I am not trying to pass the buck. I am just asking for a little help. I bet your partner is too.

  6. Author

    Many women by nature are responsive in their sexuality. They need to overt sexuality of a man to get them interested in sex. This sounds like the issue you are having. Your wife is responsive and needs your initiation to get going. Perhaps you could view it as her dominance of you is that she shouldn’t have to get the sensual activities going, as a sub it is your job to serve her by flirting and initiating and getting her juices going. Then once her response is triggered, she will be more likely to take on the role you want.

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