Yesterday I talked about having a plan for last night’s festivities. Well, I didn’t come up with one. And it turns out I didn’t need one because Lion found a behind-the-scenes show about Disney. He’s a big Disney fan (we both are) and he loves shows that explain how things are done. He could watch “How It’s Made” for hours, even if they’re showing how to make dumpsters and waffle irons. We always make fun of the odd combination of things they put together in one show. Anyway, the Disney show ended but there was another one and I’m sure there was another one and another one. We watched two and then went on to watch something else. So there was no sex. Lion didn’t seem interested.

Now, I know he’s going to say I could have told him to pause the TV. Yes, I could have. But, as he’s so fond of pointing out, sex is not for me. It’s only for him. If he’s not interested, why would I tell him to pause the TV? How did I know he wasn’t interested? I didn’t really. He has trouble initiating. He doesn’t want to ask for sex because he feels he’s putting me out. But then he’ll tell me he would have liked attention if only I’d given it to him. And we’re caught in the catch-22.

We’ve been trying to figure this out for years. From my point of view, it doesn’t make sense to “force” him to get hard just because I’m obligated to play with him every other day. I think he believes I should. He thinks I should have insisted he pause the TV so I could do whatever it is I was going to do to him. I know it’s possible to get him hard even if he doesn’t feel like it. I just don’t know if it’s worth it. Is he having any fun when I do that? Or is all his energy and concentration on maintaining the erection? I’d much rather play with him when he wants to be played with. However, I need to know when he wants attention.

In the past, he’s asked if I want to watch something on TV or if I have other plans. He feels bad about that because it feels like he’s begging or making me do it. Again, I need to know when he wants attention. I either respond to his question by suggesting a show or perhaps I don’t really have plans but we can see what happens. The way I see it, he hasn’t really asked for sex, but I know he’s thinking about it, but I still have an out if I’m not feeling like doing anything. Make sense? Win-win, no? [Lion — I got lost somewhere in the twists and turns. I have no idea what to do.]

I am still trying to get caught up from last week. We’re in the process of changing computer systems at work and there’s a huge communication gap that results in my looking for files in an area that is being moved. No one told me. I chased my tail for over a day. This morning, I was able to get a little caught up but then Lion wanted me to call for info about my IRA, we started the robot vacuum, a friend at work was doing some training on the new system and wanted my help with the quizzes, the vacuum kept needing attention, and the dog started barking at the vacuum. I find myself feeling frazzled. The sane part of my mind says I can only do so much and not to worry about the rest. The anxiety-riddled part of my brain is running around with its head on fire. I’ll be fine as long as I don’t look too closely at my inbox that has at least nine emails that need attention.

Our appetites have been off for a few days. We got Chinese food Thursday night as a way to break up the monotony of the same old dinners. On the way back from the doctor on Friday, we picked up KFC. By rights, we should have finished off the leftovers from both by now. We weren’t really hungry Saturday night or last night. We still have KFC, but I’m wondering if it’s been sitting too long to be good now. I don’t want to start another episode of tummy troubles for either of us.

Last night we waited a long time to decide we only wanted sandwiches for dinner. We were also watching football. We didn’t care about either team, but we really like football so it was hard to turn it off even though the game was over long before we started watching. I took a shower and then I played with my weenie for a little while. I’m sure Lion was interested in more, but I didn’t continue. Tonight, I hope things will be “normal”. We’ll eat earlier and play earlier. Maybe I’ll have a plan in place to get him more excited. He might even get a happy ending. I know he’s hoping for it.

Over my adult life, I’ve had the good fortune to experience both sides of the power exchange coin. As a top (dominant in Internet terminology), I’ve done scenes with scores of women as well as “owning” a 24/7 “slave” for a decade. During that time, like almost every other “dom” I’ve known, I also bottomed some of the time. My experience has taught me a few useful lessons.

The first is almost obvious. Tops (doms) do things. Bottoms (subs) experience things. The obvious mistake you can make when you read that is to assume that being submissive is to be passive. Experiencing something isn’t the same as passivity. I’ve learned that most people would rather bottom than top given a choice. An old friend of mine put it best, “It’s more fun to be done than to do.”

Most of our readers are bottoms. Tops are far less interested in reading about power exchanges. Why? Because topping is work. It’s a service. By definition, a top can’t get immersed into a scene. The top has to maintain perspective and guard the physical and emotional safety of the bottom. On the other hand, the bottom is free to disappear into experience, only to emerge when the scene is over.

I did a lot of reading and went to workshops to perfect my techniques as a top. Later, when I ran workshops on various topping skills, I noticed that almost all attendees were bottoms. Sure, there were some tops there, but most were bottoms. Attending a spanking, caning, flogging, etc., workshop was a chance to vicariously experience the activity.

I also taught workshops for bottoms as well. Remember, experiencing isn’t the same as passive acceptance. If I were a passive bottom, spanking me would be the same as beating a pillow; useless and unrewarding. Mrs. Lion doesn’t particularly like to spank me, but she sees value in doing it. The value comes from how I experience it and change as a result.

Bottoms often mistake self-serving fantasies for the kind of rewarding interaction a top desires. For example, how many guys who want to be locked in a chastity device think that they can make it worth their top’s while by giving her more oral sex? How many women would agree with that? You get the point.

Mrs. Lion tops me because she knows it makes me happier and more interested in sex. I am careful to let her know how much I appreciate the work she does to top me. The fact that we have been doing it for years doesn’t change anything. Topping is a service. I’m grateful to my lioness for providing it.

Sometimes I don’t know what Lion wants. I’ve given him orgasms a few times, and he’s said he would rather have waited. There have been many times I’ve made him wait, and he’s said he would rather have had an orgasm. Obviously, with male chastity, he should wait. I don’t want to say he should be happy he’s waiting, but isn’t waiting part of the point of male chastity? Usually, he does his “poor Lion” act after I leave him hanging, but sometimes he seems genuinely upset that he didn’t get an orgasm. Conversely, there are those very few times he genuinely seems upset he’s had an orgasm.

I don’t think he was genuinely upset he didn’t have an orgasm yesterday. [Lion — I wasn’t.] I’m not sure I’ve ever given him one right after waxing. It’s only been the past five or six times that I’ve really gotten him going when I’m cleaning wax off him. It didn’t even cross my mind. For the past year or so, he hasn’t been ready for an orgasm much before four days after an orgasm. I think this is the first time in a very long time he’s even felt horny this close to coming.

I should definitely take advantage of his interest. If I can “bank” an extra orgasm here and there, if his desire does slow down at some point, we’ll still be on track for our goal of an orgasm a week. We won’t be sliding into December with seven orgasms to go and no time left on the clock. It’s all about time management. I don’t want to wait until the end of the year. I say we should score early and score often.

Lion better eat his Wheaties.