Last night I got a sweet surprise. Mrs. Lion started a teasing session. She took me out of my cage and played with my penis until I was just ready to come. She stopped and I sighed. She ignored my sound. I was left out of my cage. About a half hour later, she began again. This time, when I was very close, I said, “I’m about to come.” I wanted to help her if her intention was teasing me. She didn’t stop. I had the predictable result, a very nice juice orgasm. After I calmed down, I asked her why she was so kind to me. Her reply, “I know you are starting a new job tomorrow and I don’t want you to be grumpy.”

How thoughtful! Mrs. Lion always has my best interests in mind. I can count on her to keep me safe and happy. Well, not always happy. Last night we went to a concert. Before we left, she offered me a choice: wear my cage or wear a diaper to the concert. She said, “I am pretty sure which you will pick.”

I picked the cage, of course. She knew I would. I spent all night out of a diaper. So nice to use the toilet! Got an email this morning from Mature Metal; my Jail Bird cage was mailed today. In a couple of days I will be able to report on how it feels to wear a custom-fit cage. Hopefully the measurements are right and that will be my permanent home. Feels a bit odd to say “permanent” but I think that is accurate.

Now that I am settled in my Chinese cage, I am barely aware it is there except when I want to reach down and give my penis a quick rub. Nothing orgasmic, just the reassuring feeling of my hard cock in my hand. That’s no longer possible. When out and about, peeing sitting down in public bathrooms is an unwelcome addition to my life. And weekends; three nights and two days of full time diaper wearing; it’s hard to ignore and I think it is impossible to make totally routine.

The simple fact is that these changes are clear signals that I am no longer in charge of my sexuality. Someone else owns my ability to get sexual pleasure. I also can’t forget that she also has the power to take away other things, like using a toilet on weekends. I find myself moving between the excitement of feeling her control and the frustration and weariness of changes in the most basic of my bodily functions. I suspect that one of the big reasons most males who want to play with forced chastity, do it in a very limited context. They get locked up (or lock themselves up) for long enough for them to get desperate for sexual release, then they get unlocked until the urge to be locked up gets strong enough to overcome the remembered frustration.

Couples who attempt forced chastity also drop out rather quickly too. I think the main reason is that the male wants to substitute non-orgasmic sexual activity for the loss of the use of their cocks. This usually takes the form of demands for extensive, frequent teasing and endless, tedious chastity “chats” with their mates. Sooner or later their keyholders will grow tired of this incessant chatter and demands for attention and the play will end.

Those of us who want to integrate forced chastity into our lives long term have to understand that our keyholders don’t necessarily share the need to lock us up that we wish they would feel. Mrs. Lion doesn’t see any benefits for her beyond making me happy. Though “happy” doesn’t really fit. I am unsure how to describe how I feel. Some of the time I feel frustrated because I want to get off. In fact, that isn’t constant or terribly hard to take. Other times I resent the inconvenience of sitting to pee and wearing my weekend diapers. However, I make it a point to not discuss this, my fantasies of what will happen while locked up, or my interest in forced chastity with her. She knows how I feel and is quickly learning what I need. The harder lesson for her is to do what I need even if I don’t like it. The old, “This will hurt me more than it will hurt you” really applies here.

So, now that I am back in my weekend diaper, I am sexually frustrated, too warm between my legs (the diaper makes me hot down there — not sexually, thermally) and smelling less than daisy fresh down there. I have to stop myself from saying something about how I am feeling. I know from my past as a top that domination is not always fun for the bottom. In fact, it is rarely fun. But, the power exchange between Mrs. Lion and I is unmistakable. That’s what I wanted. I wanted to feel her control. Well, I feel it. I don’t like it right now, but I feel it. This isn’t Mary Poppins. There isn’t always a spoonful of sugar to make this medicine go down. While I wish I had some of that sugar right now, I am also happy in a perverse way that I feel the way I do. It means that I got my wish; Mrs. Lion is firmly in control. It’s starting to itch again down there from the sweating inside my diaper. Damn!

Last night was full of surprises for me. I have been getting increasingly comfortable in my temporary cage. So last night we settled in to watch some TV. At nine, I asked Mrs. Lion if she would like to see one of the programs we have on our DVR. She said that she had another idea. With that she freed me from my cage and used her hand to get me extremely excited. That’s not too hard to do. She stopped and told me to turn over. She then went to our guest room and returned with a riding crop and a nasty paddle. She told me that this is a reward for being so good about my diaper wearing. I got a very nice spanking. It was just hard enough to sting and turn my butt a nice pink.  She told me to roll over onto my back. Of course I did that post haste!

She then started playing with me. Out loud she asked, “What shall we trade tonight?”

I knew she was referring to my last orgasm. I traded two additional nights in diapers for that one. I answered, “Whatever you want.”

No response. She continued playing. Then to my surprise, she began giving me oral sex. I was sure that just before I could come that she would stop and either lock me up or give me a difficult choice. That didn’t happen. She just continued until I had a huge orgasm. Wow, what a surprise!

Afterward she said, “I just couldn’t stop. I love making you come.”

I said that I love when she does. Hardly a shocking response. Then, she locked me up again. I also asked her if my ejaculation was stronger. She said that it was. That’s great. I have been doing male kegel exercises for the last few weeks. Before starting, I would hardly ejaculate when I came. Semen would dribble out for a long time afterward. I thought that it was just aging. Then I remembered kegels. A little research on the web confirmed that a weak PC muscle was probably at fault. So, after reading the Mayo Clinic site and some others, I began twice-daily exercise sessions.

If you think this would be helpful to you, it’s really easy. First teach yourself which muscle you need to tense. You can easily do this by stopping yourself from peeing in mid stream. The muscle you used to do that is the same one you exercise. Now, clench that muscle tight and count to ten; one-one-thousand, two-one-thousand, etc. Wait ten seconds and repeat. Do ten reps. Do this twice a day. One warning: I overdid it and ended up with a nasty lower back ache. So, don’t overdo it. You won’t get noticeable results until you have been exercising for at least three weeks. If there is no difference after a month, you may not be tightening the right muscles.

All I can say is that when I am allowed to ejaculate, it all comes out at the right moment. Mrs. Lion says I make more semen and it squirts more. Progress! Mrs. Lion is also making good progress as well. She seems to have a nice sense of the rhythm of my chastity. She is incorporating into our daily lives. Progress all around!

Years ago a comedian did a bit about the “movie in people’s heads”. You know, what is that guy wearing a bunny suit on the subway thinking? What is the movie in his head? The same can be asked of me and others who practice forced male chastity. Why in the world would we want our penises locked in masturbation- and sex-proof cages?

A simple answer is that it could be some psychological defect that drives us to this weird fetish. It might also be some past trauma that makes us seek the solace of penile prison. Everyone is different, of course, but since I started writing this journal I have been asking myself why I want to do this. Now that I have been locked securely for over a month, why do I continue? This time period is long enough to take things out of the fantasy phase and move to being part of my life. So here is my six week report. What’s playing inside the lion’s head?

Initially, I saw being locked up as a very sexy way to live out a longstanding fantasy where Mrs. Lion takes firm control of my sexual pleasure. No more masturbating, no humping the sheets in my sleep, just the ministrations of my dear wife if and when she chooses. I never imagined endless forced abstinence or some evil-but-loving mistress sadistically torturing me sexually. That’s not true, I’ve had some seriously hot dreams about sessions like that; and if the truth be told, lived some of them over the years. But these interludes lasted only a few hours and then my penis and I returned to normal.

Over the years, Mrs. Lion and I  have played and she has bound and tortured my genitals, spanked me, and inserted objects into my butt. These sessions have been exciting and always ended with a very lion-sized orgasm. The movie playing in my head was always that Mrs. Lion had permanent control of me and did all this stuff; spanking, cock and ball play, and anal play because she liked it and wanted to “train” me. That was my movie. It played when Mrs. Lion agreed to a play session. It’s one of my favorites and I can enjoy it over and over. It always has a happy ending.

These sessions have become so infrequent that I can’t remember the last time we played this way. Did this drive me to a more extreme method of getting a new showing of my movie? That was certainly one of my initial motivations when I suggested that Mrs. Lion lock me up. Even if being locked in a cage didn’t end up as the main feature, it did promise a number of very nice short subjects in my mental theater. And, of course, lots of coming attractions as I wait for the chance to get release. However, while that may have ignited the flame, it isn’t behind our continuing activity. It’s gotten much deeper than that.

My movie isn’t like the ones many of the other male chastity practitioners write about, at least I don’t think so based on their writing. Many crave long dry spells of months, even years between opportunities to squirt. They write of regular, frustrating teasing by their (real or imagined) keyholders. A nice movie, but not mine. Instead, I see my forced chastity as an exercise of Mrs. Lion’s sexual control. I see her using this control to condition me to do things she wants, in and out of bed. Somehow she figured this out immediately and put me in a diaper every weekend. I haven’t grown to like wearing one, but it clearly makes me feel her control. She is getting my obedience to do something I truly don’t like. I love that! It’s my movie!

She is getting me to obey her wishes, even when her wish isn’t what I want. The big problem with most power exchange play is that the top is essentially playing a role written by the bottom. There is no real power exchange. The top is providing a service. Why would a top do that? Having been one for many years, I can say that by and large it is fun and there are benefits. Good bottoms realize they need to provide their tops with pleasure to encourage further play.

In my current situation, Mrs. Lion has me locked up because I asked her. I made some suggestions about activities she could consider: tease and deny, obedience, withholding release for infractions of rules, etc. She heard me and has done some of this. However, it is growing increasingly clear that my movie is getting a new writer. I may be the star, but she is now writing the script. You have been reading about her evolution into writer, director, and producer. I hope at some point if I ask her to release me from my cage because I no longer want it, that she will refuse and let me know that she wants it and it will stay on as long as it pleases her.  At some point she will probably tie my hands so that on the occasions that she temporarily frees me for “stretching” or cleaning, I can’t intervene.

That’s the magic moment when the movie in my head is replaced with the reality of a dream come true. I may still have my own movies, but the live action is all of Mrs. Lion’s doing. That’s what I want most of all. Maybe I should be careful what I wish for.