The one constant in life is change. Reading personal/sexual blogs illustrates this point. Some bloggers start out talking about their real-life activities; chastity devices, spanking, etc. Over time, things change. Some blogs go from journaling to sexual fiction. Others chronicle 180-degree changes: bottom to top, top to bottom, straight to bi, etc. The most important change is rarely documented: more to less.

Entropy applies to sex as it does to everything else in the universe. As we age, our appetites change, and heat cools. The problem is that our minds don’t cool at the same rate as our bodies. This is what makes old men chase young women. In their minds, the seniors are still twenty or thirty years old. The shape of a desirable woman doesn’t age in our male minds.

I’m writing from my male perspective. Women seem to be realists. They understand where they are in the spectrum of desirability. They may not like it, but they know. We men are much less likely to see ourselves realistically. Maybe that’s why Mrs. Lion, like many wives, describes me as her oldest kid.

Retaining perpetual youth, at least mentally, is a good thing in most ways. My sense of wonder hasn’t dimmed. I still love to discover and try new things. I’m always disappointed when I discover that my body doesn’t do what I want. I don’t seem to have a sense of my place on the timeline of my life. I’m sure death will surprise me one day.

Very often, good things have bad sides. For example, the genes that protect against Malaria also cause sickle cell anemia. Natural selection favors disease resistance. If the mutation also causes a deadly disease in a small percentage of the people with the protection, nature counts the mutation as a winner.

I’m not claiming that age blindness is a genetic mutation; it could be. While it has a lot of benefits to people who have it, there are also downsides. Optimism is one benefit. Another is the energy to keep learning and evolving. A big downside is the inability to adjust expectations to match the realities of getting older. Guys with this issue try to date twenty-year-olds when they are 75.

The good news for me is that I optimistically embark on new ventures. I’ve had several different careers in my life that ranged from show business to program management. Currently, I’m trying to become a novelist. Since I haven’t had an English course since high school, I may be delusional to imagine that I have the skill to write something people will want to read.

I know that I can write hot porn. That is hardly a test of writing skills. I want to make a reader see a movie in their (hate using the plural to avoid gender assignment) mind, identify with the protagonist, feel real emotion. That’s hard to do. Getting men hard and women wet with sexual description is easy.

Maybe it’s arrogance for me to believe I can succeed in something just because I decide to do it. It’s the way I’m wired. It’s the only way I can function. So far, over 20 agents disagree that I can be a successful author. Oh well. Someone will give me a chance. Right?

When it comes to sex, my disposition can make things hard on poor Mrs. Lion. Even if it takes me a couple of days to recharge between orgasms, I’m still a young stud in my head. I still want sex even when I can’t perform. It would be much easier on my lioness if I didn’t have the genetic disposition to believe I could do anything I set my mind to. We all have to balance the good and bad when considering our choices.

She picked me. I hope she realized who I am when she did. I worry that the good I offer her outweighs the trouble to keep me. It takes time and energy for lion maintenance. My lioness is good-natured. She’s learned to be an effective disciplinarian. That’s not her nature. It’s something needed to make me happy. All the one-way sex is another cost of maintaining me. I’m grateful she is so willing to do it for me.

It’s not a free ride for me. I may be young inside, but I’m not selfish. It’s painful to consider that I can’t give back what she gives me. I worry that sooner or later, she will realize how little she gets in return for all that work. I’m smart enough to understand that love is much more than weighing transactions. Even if I can’t see it, something must make being with me worthwhile. At least, I hope there is.

One of the main turn-ons for a bottom is to feel possessed by the top. In BDSM, it’s obvious to see signs of possession. The bottom may wear a collar or a male chastity device. The keyholder is the owner of the property, safely locked away. There is a difference between possession and control. Mrs. Lion controls my sexual pleasure. She decides what stimulation I will receive and when I get to ejaculate. She is in charge of my behavior and punishes me when she feels I need correction. Isn’t this possession?

She may think it is. I’m not convinced. I can be arrested and punished for breaking the law. Does that mean the government owns me? It doesn’t, of course. I’m subject to laws, and the government exercises authority over me by defining prohibited behavior. Possession isn’t the same. I think this is why so many bottoms want more than rules.

Male chastity and domestic discipline are lifestyle activities that can be practiced as BDSM scenes. People like us, who do it 24/7, don’t see it as BDSM. Mrs. Lion’s authority is constant. That means it is part of my life, not something special that happens once in a while. We get satisfaction and value out of our sexual and disciplinary framework.

One reason wearing a male chastity device is important to many men is that it provides a constant reminder of their submission to their keyholders. The women rarely consider locking their partners in a device as a sign of possession. For most, it’s part of a sexual game their husbands enjoy. Many of the men get a much more profound sense of belonging from wearing one.

Note that besides spanking him, she uses her finger in his anus. A sure sign of possession.

I’m not claiming that I don’t feel Mrs. Lion’s ownership. Every time she has me on the spanking bench, it’s obvious I belong to her. When she penetrates me anally, I feel possessed. The other day I published a picture with a post that shows a woman about to spank a man. The image is on the right. Notice that one finger is between his cheeks—that small move signals ownership. Certainly, the spanking to follow reflects her authority, but the finger on or in his anus is an act of possession.

We are all different. Mrs. Lion and I like belonging to one another. We haven’t discussed symbols of possession. I consider my wedding ring a strong symbol of my lifetime connection to her. I liked wearing a chastity device because it was a very obvious expression of her ownership. I wore a locking cock ring (right) that wasn’t as restrictive as the male chastity device but still sent me the message of possession. Do I miss wearing it? I guess I do.

Even though I can get hard wearing it, the locking cock ring is a powerful symbol of possession.

Originally, it was for sexual control and training. It became a kind of wedding ring that meant ownership in addition to connection. After the arousal of having something locked on my penis wore off, I came to realize that it also showed my submission to my lioness. I also feel possessed when she reaches behind me and puts a finger on or in my anus. There is a big connection between intimacy and possession.

Maybe assertion of possession is a big reason for “just because” spankings. They send both of us the unmistakable message of who I belong to. I wonder if the sight of my penis locked in a cock ring or chastity device sends a message to Mrs. Lion. I’m pretty sure a spanking does. It doesn’t have to be obvious. It could be a little smile prompted by that device on my pleasure center that only she can unlock. It has nothing to do with my ability to get off. It’s simply a mark of possession. The same is true of my red bottom after she spanks me. I’m hers and only hers.

This blog is our journal. A journal is a regular accounting of thoughts and actions. This journal tells the story of our rather kinky sex life. It also gives us, me mostly, a chance to share what we have learned. It’s not an attempt at a balanced reporting of anything. We also stray off topic when the mood strikes. It’s unfair to judge us or our relationship based on any single post. Some readers tend to do this.

Anyway, The Journal is also a valuable communication link between Mrs. Lion and me. Sometimes the result is a debate that continues in conversations and emails. Other times we respond to one another in posts. In case you wonder why we would use a public forum to discuss personal matters is because it provides an easy-to-reference and permanent place for our discussion. It also may help others with similar issues. Our most recent case in point started with my post yesterday (“Couple Therapy“).

I talked about my difficulty believing that Mrs. Lion has fun with what we do. She sent me an email response that she has written that she likes when my balls hang low, and she enjoys seeing them bounce when she ties them and then jerks me off. She has mentioned this. What she said didn’t quite get to the point I was trying to make. For example, if she says (out loud) that she wants me to bend over so she can see my balls, that would send the message that she has fun with that.

It’s like the two voices you can use in writing. The active voice puts you right in the action. “Sarah grabbed Harry’s balls,” is active voice. “Sarah was happy when she played with Harry’s balls,” is passive voice. Passive voice removes you from what is happening. The same is true with expressions of pleasure. I’ve always believed that telling someone to do something is a very strong way to express that you like it when they do that thing.

When it comes to communicating pleasure, words are sometimes stronger than actions. “I can’t wait to suck your cock,” sends the unmistakable message that delivering oral sex is fun. “Get across the bed so I can suck you” isn’t quite the same thing. The instruction can be interpreted as a request to do something fun or getting a chore out of the way.

I think that Mrs. Lion believes that she doesn’t have to tell me that she likes something. She assumes that I will know she does because she takes action. Words, for me at least, count almost as much as the actions they reference. I realize it is Mrs. Lion’s style. That doesn’t make it any easier for me.

Another example is when I’ve asked Mrs. Lion to read something I’ve written. When she finishes, she says, “It’s good.” That’s it. I have to probe to get more information. I was looking for a discussion of the characters and how she reacted to what they did. I wanted to know if the story grabbed her. I wanted a book review. “It was good,” feels dismissive to me. Mrs. Lion is a very good writer and reporter. She reads a lot. Like sex, reading my work feels like a chore she does for me. I’m grateful that she does, but I’m not encouraged to ask her again.

From her descriptions of work and the people she interacts with, I know she can be richly descriptive and emotional. The fact that she isn’t with me is very problematic. You know how old people sometimes say that they don’t want to be a burden? I don’t either.

Christmas Eve is here at last. Our turkey breast is defrosting in the fridge. We have the fixings for our Christmas dinner for two. We exchanged gifts earlier. Mrs. Lion got a twelve-inch iPad and I got the smaller one from Santa Lion. We are enjoying our gifts. We upgraded our computers too. Mrs. Lion had been using an old (6 years) HP all-in-one. It was so slow that she could hardly play her SIMS game. She now has a 6-core Dell with lots of memory and a solid-state disk. My computer is the same model but over five years old. I ordered a new one similar to Mrs. Lion’s. My new one will have 8 cores, 32 GB of memory, and a 1TB solid-state disk. If you are technically inclined, all this power is needed to support Photoshop, and get this, MS Word. Word eats up resources with its auto-update feature. While writing, I get frequent stutters. Hopefully, the new box will fix that.

We don’t have a tree. We haven’t had one in years. It seems like too much trouble just for us. One thing we have that has served us very well in the pandemic is our unsociable way of life. We are both very happy with each other’s company and being quarantined is our normal way of life. Tonight, we will snuggle and, if we have any, drink some eggnog. That’s a tradition we have enjoyed since we have been together. We may miss it this year because we don’t go out unless we have to.

The best Christmas gift for me is my life with Mrs. Lion. It seems so improbable that we would have met. We came from different worlds. Thanks to a dating site we connected. I have no idea why she agreed to meet me, but she did. I had absolutely no way of knowing how incredibly well we would fit together. I’ve always been attracted to tomboys. Mrs. Lion is most certainly a tomboy. She played soccer, loves football, and doesn’t mind getting dirty. She’s also developed into a frighteningly good spanker.

We both make sure that the last words we say to each other are “I love you.” It’s a sort of superstition of mine that if I don’t wake up, those will be the last words we share. It may sound sappy, but I go to sleep each night with a smile on my face. I look forward to waking up on Christmas morning next to the most wonderful gift in the world: my sweet lioness.