We are strange critters. Our lives often veer off in unpredictable directions. Occasionally, I get an email from someone who found our writing useful on their path to male chastity or an FLR. That’s gratifying to learn. Very often, the correspondent describes a lifestyle way beyond anything Mrs. Lion or I considered. Usually, those emails talk about cuckoldry as a natural offshoot of male chastity.
The story usually goes like this: After years of yearning for female domination, the husband finally broaches the subject to his wife. She reluctantly agrees, and they start with BDSM. She discovers that she likes topping. Usually, she also finds other women with similar inclinations. Meanwhile, her husband reads about male chastity and decides that would be something he would like to pursue.
His wife agrees, and she locks him in a male chastity device. Time passes, and he gets fewer chances to ejaculate. As the story goes, she learns to enjoy denying him orgasms. She discovers that her libido is getting stronger. She decides to take on younger lovers. Her husband never gets to have sex with her. She tells him she likes dominating him but no longer wants sex with him. He loves his new role.
I receive a story like this on a regular basis. Maybe they’re true accounts. I have known couples who were fine with outside sexual partners. I suppose some men might get off in the cuckold role. I remain skeptical. I absolutely believe that there are many couples who are comfortable sharing sex with others. I know some. But I’ve never known a couple who can sustain a long-term BDSM cuckold relationship.
It isn’t that it’s difficult to accept unbalanced sexual activity. It has more to do with the energy flow in the relationship. People who want to be submissive will often spiral into a nearly toddler-like personality, demanding more and more of their fantasies to become real. That’s what I think is happening with the emails I get. They represent the next step in the minds of the men craving female control.
In my mind, it isn’t so much that they lack the ability to accept what they wish for. It’s that establishing a stable relationship in this context is too stressful to last. Sex, BDSM, FLR, domination, etc., are all spices that make life interesting. If they become the central interest, the ensuing relationship will be one-dimensional.
I don’t think submissives understand the stress they put on the person they expect to dominate them. Being purely dominant is lonely work. The submissive might revel in being objectified and humiliated. His dominant partner is isolated and feels badly if she wants to let down her guard and get held. Sooner or later, the dominant member of the couple will grow weary. She’ll feel guilty if she wants to ask her partner to love her.
I think the reason our relationship works is that first and foremost Mrs. Lion and I are best friends. It’s my pleasure to hold her and protect her. Yes, she can spank me. I have to do what she says or I will be punished. But that doesn’t mean that she gives me constant orders. I don’t expect her to be some sort of BDSM Mistress. We’ve found our own sort of balance.
I’m sure that the disciplinary purists would say we aren’t serious about our FLR. I make too many of the decisions for us to join their club. Maybe so. But then, being in a disciplinary relationship was my idea, and it wasn’t some sort of fantasy FLR. I saw my asking Mrs. Lion to spank me as a way to solve two issues that I observed in our relationship. The first was selfish. I need spanking. I don’t know why, but I do. I don’t need punishment, just spankings. BDSM would be fine for that.
However, I feel that Mrs. Lion needs a strong voice. She is way too easily pushed around. She stuffs her feelings until they boil over. I consider that dangerous for our well-being as a couple. I reasoned that if I could teach Mrs. Lion to use her paddles to let me know when I’ve displeased her, we could defuse potential feeling-stuffing, and at the same time, satisfy my need for some FLR and spanking. Win/win, right?
So far (over more than five years), it hasn’t quite worked out that way. Mrs. Lion almost never spanks me for annoying her. Most of my punishments are for breaking rules like not doing a chore. OK, fair enough. It works for me and she feels fine about bruising my butt. Still, it would be better for both of us if she could growl and then spank me when I annoy her. It will help validate her feelings and will teach me to be better behaved.
We may never get to that point. Mrs. Lion does snarl at me more often. That’s progress. In the mean time we have a nice balance that keeps us both happy. This balance is 90 percent being a normal married couple, and ten percent FLR, male-chastity kinky. We can keep this up forever.