Three days ago, we got two flats of raspberries and made some jam. A lot of jam. That’s good because it will last us a long time, but it was a lot of work. I wasn’t really prepared, even though I was the one who suggested getting the raspberries. I should have looked for the canning jars first rather than scrambling around just before we started the whole endeavor. Anyway, we survived. I said I didn’t want to hear anything about canning for three or four months, till we do blueberry jam. Lion reminded me that blueberries are ready in August, which is only a month away. Ugh.

Yesterday, I started to put up a shade sail on the back deck. It did not go as planned. Lion suggested some changes. Today, I am implementing those changes. I’m inside to get some tools and a drink, and then back to work. When I’m done, I hope the deck is more usable.

We’re having brats again tonight. We don’t normally do anything special for the 4th of July. We watch the fireworks from New York City. The Seattle show pales in comparison. New York’s show sets off a huge amount of fireworks. It feels like Seattle sets off less than 100. I guess if you’ve never seen a huge show, Seattle’s looks spectacular.

Lion has been trying to have his own fireworks spectacular without much luck. The boner juice seems to be doing its job, but he can’t have an orgasm. One time he said I was being too rough sucking him. The next time I tried not to suck as hard. He still couldn’t come. This last time, I barely sucked. I figured the motion would do the trick. All three times, I swear I tasted pre-cum. I thought I had him. He thought so too, but it just stopped. At this point, I don’t even care about the cream filling so much. I just want Lion to have an orgasm.

Wouldn’t it be terrible if the boner juice finally got him hard only to impede his orgasm? That wouldn’t be fair at all.

Listen to this post.


  1. Hm. Not sure if this is helpful, but in my case at least, erections are generally initiated by my brain. If I notice a prolonged change in sexual functioning, I found success by tracing back changes in my life until I get to a point where I can see some stressor, life event, chemical/medication change, then taking it from there. Sometimes these are easier to spot because they usually revolve around something I feel I (or my partner directly) control/influence.

    i.e. job change, meaning increased stress. So then finding healthy way to deal with stress, like exercise and mindfulness, leading to becoming more present. Being present and mindful reminds me to re-engage in existing relationships and maybe some personal hobbies that bring my back to ‘myself’. Maybe I find a sense of pride again in my physique after seeing some results from the gym after 2-3 months, or my partner compliments some cooking I’ve been trying and through those mechanisms, I find my connection to sexuality again sometimes.

    If it’s not immediately obvious or those don’t apply, then I start looking for if something in my life (tangible or not) is no longer in my life now, which was previously. Examples I’ve noticed are usually more nebulous; like gradual loss of a/some friendship(s) (a person in my support network moved away or took another job and left my work office), a shift in my sense of safety (pandemic occurring, or increased news/social media consumption), or loss of identity (trauma, which can sometimes take weeks/months/years to really set in). Since I don’t have control over these type of things, it helped to have counselors/therapists at various points to help me solve the ‘puzzle’ so to speak.

    Over a couple months late last year and this year, it basically ended up being me compiling a very large two-column list of ‘before’ and ‘now’ and seeing what is different. Specifically, tangible things like ‘I’m not on top of my chores’ and ‘I’m not going to the gym’ and ‘I’m spending more money that I typically do’, and exploring adding/subtracting/substituting behaviors, and importantly the ‘why’ behind the differences in behaviors.

    Every time I ask my penis what I have to do to make it happy, it never tells me, or responds much to my suggestions. But if I ask my brain (or someone close to me) what my brain needs to be happy and focus on that for several weeks/months, my penis ends up falling in line not long after my brain does.

    1. That’s certainly a sane approach. I did the same thing. Unfortunately, there’s been no change here. It’s probably an effect of my type 2 diabetes. Regardless, I will continue to look for psychological reasons. It would be wonderful if I could solve this problem without drugs.

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