We are together again! It’s so great to have Mrs. Lion back from her trip. She didn’t get home until eleven. She was tired from a long day. She didn’t want to take a shower, but unfortunately, she had picked up a perfume smell from the plane that made my eyes itch and water. She had to shower anyway. We didn’t get any snuggling in, but we did get to talk and kiss. The dog was beside herself with joy. I run a far second with her.

Based on reading Mrs. Lion’s post yesterday, “Back To Square One,” we are having the usual disconnect when it comes to our power exchange. I’m not surprised. Over the many years that I was a BDSM educator, the most difficult issue was communication between the top and bottom. Mrs. Lion is expert at the key skill sets needed to be a top. She seems to get frustrated by the way I respond to what she does.

Spanking is a perfect example of this communication gap. She believes that making me hold still for a long, painful spanking without any restraints is a much stronger expression of her power, than strapping me down so I can’t escape. Of course, she’s right. I will hold position for any amount of spanking she delivers. That tells her that she has control of me. From my perspective, I don’t perceive it as submitting to her will. It’s just what I’m supposed to do.

That doesn’t mean that a bondage-free spanking can’t send me the message I so badly want. Mrs. Lion has to exert control for me to feel it. Here’s a scenario straight out of DWC. She tells me not to move. I start to raise my body. She knows I’m not going anywhere, but I did move. She says, “I told you not to move!” She delivers a few very painful swats as punishment within punishment. I get the message and feel her power.

In her post, she didn’t understand why making me pick my fate from the Box O’Fun isn’t as powerful as her picking a card. Her reasoning was that I should feel it more because I was being made to pick my own painful fate. That makes sense but doesn’t really address the power exchange.It’s cruel in a playful way to make me choose my own fate, a sort of physical irony. But it isn’t her power being exercised. We both know that the Box O’Fun is designed to help her come up with what to do. She has trouble thinking of activities for our BDSM play. The Box O’Fun is a memory aid for Mrs. Lion, not an expression of her power over me.

The irony isn’t an expression of power. It’s an effective twist on play but it doesn’t make me feel controlled. Bondage, for example, is always powerful, because all choice is removed. I have to accept whatever she does to me. Even sex, like jerking me off or using a vibrator, feels like control when I’m restrained. It isn’t that I wouldn’t want her to do this to me anyway. It’s that I can’t resist.