Work has been busy lately. I was so engrossed, I didn’t even realize I hadn’t written a post until late afternoon when Lion said he was done with his for today. I also had to stop in the middle of doing things to fix something in the yard and take care of something else Lion decided was fairly urgent. It’s true I hadn’t gotten to it, but did it need to be done at that moment? Maybe. I haven’t been getting to many things around here. The truth is, I can’t get myself motivated because I’ve been frustrated by work and by having to do everything around here. I know he doesn’t mean to, but many of Lion’s requests come across as do-it-now. By the end of the day, I was worn out. Then my stomach started acting stupid.
I have no idea how many days it’s been since we’ve done anything sexual. I’m sure Lion can tell you down to the minute. [Lion — Today is the fifth day.] The other night, I had the massage table ready, but he said he didn’t feel up to it. Then I didn’t feel up to it for a few days. We were just talking at lunch about a haircut for him, and he added some Lion sex to the list. Or some Lioness sex. I don’t know about the Lioness sex, but I can certainly do the haircut and save some energy for Lion sex.
Lioness sex is problematic. It may be true that I lost interest partially because he didn’t initiate. It’s difficult to get him excited, and myself excited all the time. In all fairness, I knew pretty much from the beginning he wasn’t able to initiate. It’s not that I thought I could change him. I just hoped he’d try more. I told him the “tricks” to get me going. It may not work 100 percent of the time, but it’s worth a shot. In the end, I guess it was too much me trying to get me turned on while trying to get him turned on, and he’s always been more important.
At this point in time, I’ve gained so much weight I don’t feel sexy at all. Not that I ever really felt sexy anyway. It just seems useless now. I feel like I’ve let Lion down, though. And I already feel like I let him down when I don’t do enough things for him. I can try to feel sexier. I’m not sure how to go about it, but I’ll try.