Blue Monday

I hate it when I’m in the sexual doldrums. Part of the reason is probably because I am actively writing fiction again. It doesn’t make a lot of sense, but this happened a few times in the past. When I begin a burst of storytelling, my sexual interest declines. I’m not saying that some BDSM and oral attention won’t restore me to my former glory. I imagine it will. I don’t understand why writing a story that includes sex would turn me off in real life.

If you wondered, I don’t get aroused when I write sexy scenes. I’m too involved in constructing the story. Maybe this necessary separation from the feeling carries over into real life. I hope not. If anyone can fix this problem, Mrs. Lion can. I hope she doesn’t try with a paddle. My bottom is still sore from Saturday’s spanking. (She’ll say, “Good!”). It was memorable–not in a nice way.

Mrs. Lion wrote that she feels insecure when I don’t want sexual activity (“Disappointment“). She equated it to how I think about initiating. I have a lot of trouble with it, probably because of a strong fear of rejection. Yes, it’s irrational. That doesn’t make it any less real. I always attributed Mrs. Lion’s reluctance to initiate to a female desire to take the submissive role in bed. It didn’t occur to me that she worried about rejection. It’s irrational since there is no way I would ever reject her. I might have trouble physically responding. That isn’t rejection. It’s just plumbing.

Yes, I realize that I have no rational reason to feel I might be rejected. Looking back over my life, I see that women almost never rejected me. I did very well in the sex department. It wasn’t due to me being aggressive. I’ve always waited to be invited. Of course, once given the green light… Oh well, Mrs. Lion and I will work it out.

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