My post about getting it up drew some interesting comments. One in particular by Julie, a fellow blogger, and author brought the most significant issue into focus. The challenge for me is psychological, not physical. Like her, I’ve found that I get very hot writing about sex. When things are going well here, telling you about what we did turns me on all over again. I also get very aroused writing sex scenes for a book. I don’t jerk off when this happens. I save the energy up for my next playtime with Mrs. Lion.
The problem is that my new novel, Hacked!, doesn’t have all that much sex in it. The story is more of a thriller. Of course, there are some hot scenes–at least they make me hot. There aren’t enough of them to fuel my sex life. The Journal only gets hot for me to write when I discuss recent sexual events. Porn has very little appeal for me. I get hot picking images for the blog but watching videos rarely get a rise out of me. I also find most reading material unarousing. There are exceptions. Julie’s blog can often turn me on.
Am I a porn snob? Maybe. I prefer interactive sex, even on an intellectual level. Perhaps I need a female pen pal with similar interests. Years ago, I was on Compuserve. It offered a chat room/private chat feature. In those days, sexual conversations were called compusex. Now, of course, it’s cybersex. I read about it in New York’s Village Voice. I had a computer and modem, so I decided to try it.
It was easy to find a woman who wanted to chat. Even back then, I could write pretty hot stuff. I would type a paragraph that lit the Internet on fire. I made myself hard with it. The woman typed back, “MMMMMM.” That’s it, a bunch of capital M’s. I tried with someone else. She was lazy, so all I got back were lower-case m’s. It wasn’t worth the effort. I’m pretty sure that my words wet a few desk chairs but did nothing for me.
I’ve realized that I have a pretty high standard for a text that will give me a stiffy. I’m not a snob. I need imagery that can reach inside me. That’s tricky. Not many women can do that. I don’t understand what magic it takes or why I’m not as easy as most guys. It isn’t aging. I’ve always been this way. I think that communicating to arouse your reader requires focus on what will turn him or her on. If what you write also turns you on, so much the better. Most of what I read on the Net is aimed at stroking the writer’s ego or turning him or her on.
Reading hot stuff is intended to turn you (or me) on. Writing it is intended to make my reader wet her pants. It may be words on a screen or in a book, but it is foreplay just the same. That may be what makes it difficult to respond easily to Mrs. Lion. My sex is just that: sex. It’s all physical. I’ve been thinking about this. Maybe why masturbation can get old is that there is no sexual context. It’s just physical stimulation. Sure, fantasies can fuel it. Let’s face it, great masturbation isn’t as good as meh two-person sex.
Mrs. Lion works hard to find ways to make sex exciting for me. She’s very good at it. But like Julie said in her comment,
” I get hottest playing with my blog and all the accompanying research and correspondence. Often I masturbate to certain thoughts thus conjured. Then I am quite aroused, and I bring that back to bed with David, and he doesn’t know what hit him.”
It’s not that David isn’t a skilled lover. I’m sure he is. I think we have a psychological battery that needs to be charged. When mine runs down, I can’t get aroused. Being female, with a near-limitless capacity for orgasm, Julie can further rev her motor by masturbating. Unlike a man, her masturbation can actually build excitement and frustration that partner sex will satisfy. We males can’t go quite that far. But we can get hard and very aroused without ejaculating. This has a similar beneficial effect on actual sex later.
On Wednesday, the ice began to melt. I reread some of the sex scenes in the new book. I also got excited looking for images. Later, when Mrs. Lion wanted to play, I was ready. My battery had been partially recharged. I don’t know if enough pressure has built up for explosive edging and orgasm. I also don’t know exactly how to fix this recharging issue.