As you know, Lion and I read each other’s posts before they’re published. This allows us to proofread for each other and to address any discrepancies, for want of a better word. It also allows each of us to see what is on the other’s mind mind. I know I’ve sprung some things on Lion for the first time in a post. I think he’s done the same to me.
In this morning’s post, Lion didn’t really spring anything on me. I know he wants me to “teach him a lesson” when I punish him. I know he wants me to read other people’s blogs. I know he wants me to get things out of what I do for him. I think these are all reasonable requests. I’m just not sure I can do them.
As I’ve told him in the past, when I read other people’s blogs, they seem over-the-top and not something I’d want to do. I know some/most of them are embellished. I know it’s not possible that the entire neighborhood takes turns whomping a poor guy’s butt. (I’m exaggerating too.) Lion insists I shouldn’t take things verbatim and I try not to, but I’m not sure exactly what I’m supposed to get out of it.
This morning’s post, again, made me realize that I may never get to the point Lion wants me to get. What’s more, I’m not sure I want to. And, even if I did, how do I know when I get there? (These are rhetorical questions.) It seems to me, the bar keeps raising. I guess that’s not a bad thing in and of itself. Most people aren’t happy with whatever level they’ve attained in anything. There’s always another level. Once you beat the video game, you might be happy for a little while but then what?
What if beating the video game results in the picture in Lion’s post of the bright red/deep burgundy buns? What if I don’t want to go that far? What if I can’t handle Lion tears? I know he’s handling a lot of pain. If he can handle it, shouldn’t I be able to do it? I don’t have an answer. I’m not really looking for an answer. These are just questions swirling around in my mind right now.
I know our troll thinks I love beating the snot out of Lion. I know he thinks I’m sadistic. Not true. I do what Lion wants me to do. Maybe it’s what he needs me to do. And I’m fine with that. To a point. I just don’t think I’ll ever reach a level of wanting or needing to do it myself.
I’m not trying to minimize Lion’s need for punishment. I’m not trying to get out of doing it. I’ll do what I can for him. But I think reading the blogs makes me feel like Lion is on level 157 and I’m stuck on level 87 and everything above level 99 feels too…. I don’t know “too” what. It’s just “too…”.
[Lion — I don’t want Mrs. Lion to go to some ridiculous, impossible point. She’s right, I can handle quite a bit of pain. I’m in pain now because of my shoulder. I know that I’m a difficult subject for spanking. My years in the BDSM community have given me a good gauge of what I can or should take. I’m very difficult to mark and very difficult to give lasting reminders of a spanking. As a result, I “need” more severity than some might think reasonable. We are all different and the only way we can discover what we need and can handle is by turning up the volume until it gets to be too much. At that point, back off and stay where we were. It’s a moving target because for a while, at least, I will learn to tolerate Mrs. Lion’s intensity and will need more to make her point. That’s why communication is important. Right now she is delivering a very memorable spanking. I think it’s a little less intense than I need. I don’t expect my bottom to look like the one in my post. I just want her to understand that I am giving her honest feedback based on my experience and what I am feeling. I’m very grateful that she’s willing to do what she does. I’m hopeful that she will take this learning and use it to enforce teaching me not to do things that might upset her.]