In my last post I wrote about using orgasms or lack of them as rewards and punishments. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was on the verge of a true ah-ha moment. I now realize that I found an important missing link in both our enforced chastity and our FLRD (Female Led Relationship with Discipline).
Five years ago, I decided to live a fantasy. I asked Mrs. Lion to lock my penis in a male chastity device. It took a while to get into it the first time. I got hard. each time she tried to lock me up. Eventually I got the base ring around my balls and threaded my barely-soft penis through as well. Then, after some struggle, Mrs. Lion got my semi-hard penis into the little cage and locked it to the base ring.
From that moment on, the only way I could have an orgasm or even get hard, was when Mrs. Lion released me from the device. Like other keyholders, Mrs. Lion would make me wait arbitrary amounts of time and then make me ejaculate. On most nights, she would unlock me and tease me to the edge of orgasm. After doing that a few times, she would lock me back up. These edgings assured that I remained very interested in sex, even thought I went back into the cage hornier than when she unlocked me.
After a few years of continuous lock up, I was conditioned not to masturbate even when wild (not in a chastity device). She had gotten full control of my ability to ejaculate. Locked or wild, I wait until she decides to let me come.
Making sense out of enforced chastity
Over the years, I’ve tried to rationalize her role. Initially, I suggested that she use my desperation to ejaculate as a way for her to get more sexual pleasure from me. That’s what the fantasies are all about. Right? That made no real sense to either of us. Locked or not, I would do anything to please her. I love her. She’s my mate.
Over three years ago, we expanded our power exchange to include a more general FLRD. We started with two simple rules: I had to avoid spilling food on my shirt and I had to wait to eat until she started eating. Mrs. Lion selected the no-spilling rule because I was a messy eater. I frequently managed to get part of my dinner on my shirt. Her reasoning was that because I did this frequently, she would have an excuse to punish me. The second rule was that I couldn’t begin eating before she started. This is just good manners. It’s also easily observed and enforced. These rules gave us practice living in a disciplinary marriage.
Mrs. Lion selected spanking as her main method of punishment. It took a long time before her spankings were severe enough to make me sincerely want to avoid them. It took even longer until Mrs. Lion consistently punished me for every offense. When she finally reached this milestone we marked this stage in her evolution as Lioness 2.0.
2.0’s arrival turned out to be much more than a goal she reached as a disciplining wife. As she got more and more severe with spankings and consistent with enforcement, I stopped spilling food on my shirt. I still have a rare accident, but I can go a month or more with no food spots. I also wait for Mrs. Lion to begin eating before I start. I’m thoroughly conditioned. We were both surprised when we realized what happened.
I take rules seriously. The consequences are sure and painful. As it turns out, the more severe the punishment, the more quickly I learn. This wasn’t planned. Neither of us seriously expected FLRD to become more than incorporating BDSM into our relationship.
How do you spell success? S-E-M-E-N!
It turned out that enforced chastity also helps us. It forces us to be more physically expressive. The nightly edging sessions assure we snuggle and touch. We are both happy we adopted FLRD and enforced chastity.
Male chastity still presents a problem: When should Mrs. Lion give me a hand job or oral sex? When should she make me ejaculate? Orgasms are given arbitrarily when my lioness decides to give them. There is no rationalization for my wait times. That seemed to be the only way to do it — until yesterday.
I wrote that orgasms and the lack of them could be used to further condition me, and suggested that extending my waits might be an effective punishment add-on like mouth soaping or corner time. I also suggested that orgasms could be a reward for good behavior. A hot and interesting concept, but still not fully formed. Then, last night the light bulb in my head turned on. Fortunately, it didn’t wake Mrs. Lion.
Here’s what I realized: Orgasms are the most primal pleasure a man can have. Ejaculating is genetically programmed into me as a prime objective. Civilization notwithstanding, my instincts are to impregnate females and propagate the species. That’s true of males everywhere. An ejaculation is organic success for a male. It doesn’t matter how it is evoked. Semen spells success on the deepest, most-instinctive level of my brain.
Withholding an orgasm isn’t really punishment so much as a minor source of frustration. Denial isn’t a motivator or demotivator. However, ejaculating is satisfaction at the deepest level. Just as I associate a very humiliating and painful experience — spanking — with displeasing Mrs. Lion, couldn’t I be conditioned to associate ejaculation with making her happy?
Until my ah-ha moment, I couldn’t think of a meaningful reward to motivate me to go above and beyond for my lioness. It isn’t that I never do things to please her. I do as much as I can. I don’t need incentives to try to make her happy. But still, she has no tools to encourage or reward me.
She can train me using punishments. She is very effective at that. But there is no meaningful reward to train me using positive feedback. Yes, I love it when she tells me I am a good boy. But that isn’t strong enough to motivate me on the deepest level.
The atomic bomb of rewards
What if she gave me a hand job or oral orgasm every time I did something she wanted to train me to do? Every time. Consistently. How would I behave if being a good boy wins me an ejaculation? I would do my very best to earn that orgasm. It wouldn’t take me long to associate orgasm with pleasing her. Rewards are very powerful training tools. An orgasm is the atomic bomb of rewards. It reaches down into my lizard brain and pleases the unreasoning beast.
Providing orgasm rewards is as simple as punishing is with a spanking. As soon after doing the good thing as possible, Mrs. Lion makes me come. She reminds me why I am getting a chance to ejaculate and then gets me off.
In the beginning this will feel artificial; a game much the way we started spanking as a punishment. After some time of consistent orgasmic rewards, we will both be conditioned. I will associate sexual satisfaction with being a good boy. Mrs. Lion will almost instinctively express praise by stimulating my penis. She will have harnessed the most powerful male force as a tool of control.
This is only possible because of enforced male chastity. In order for ejaculation to be an effective reward, it has to be 100 percent controlled by the woman. A chastity device and conditioning to not masturbate gives Mrs. Lion that level of control.
It turns out that enforced chastity isn’t so much about frustration and denial as it is about a powerful reward: ejaculation.
To be effective as a male conditioning tool, ejaculation rewards require consistent, directed application. One way to think about when to grant them is to consider when you might want to say, “Good boy!” It’s fine to keep saying that. I love it. But now you can say,
“Good boy! You know what that means, don’t you?”
It won’t take long before I answer, “Oh yes I do!” and probably get an erection. Then, the first time we have privacy and my weenie can be exposed, she can get me off after reminding me why I am getting this treat. It’s that simple.
There are some obvious questions you might have about this. For one thing, you may wonder if this isn’t too time consuming. It really isn’t. All that is required is a quick hand job that gets me off. This isn’t a scene or a true sexual experience. It is a reward, a treat, nothing more. You can save more elaborate activities for occasions when you have the time and energy. This treat can be as simple as an unzip and jerk. The key is the orgasm, nothing else.
That also means it doesn’t matter whether or not I am in the mood. Mrs. Lion knows how to get me hard any time she wants. In my case, application of the Magic Wand vibrator can do the trick. Of course, it’s nice if I really enjoy it, but that isn’t the point. It’s associating my most primal pleasure with making her happy. She’s talking directly to my lizard brain. It doesn’t care about the quality of the orgasm. It just wants me to ejaculate. I’ll probably have fun, but it doesn’t matter whether or not I do. I think that’s a fairly revolutionary concept. The only goal when I get a reward orgasm is that I ejaculate. The quality of the experience is beside the point.
Initially, rewards need to be frequent. I’m learning to make a new connection. It takes consistent, repeated application and time. Keep it up and the connection will be made. I didn’t realize at what point discipline became effective in teaching me. But it clearly works. I think the same is true of ejaculation rewards. In the beginning it will generally be sexy fun for me. But that’s not the most important point.
Deep down in my unconscious, I will learn to associate ejaculation with earning praise from my lioness. It gives her more power over me. It also gives true meaning to enforced male chastity and orgasm control. I don’t know about you, but I’ll work very hard for this new type of “Good boy!” Enforced male chastity for me will no longer be about frustration and long waits. It’s a side effect of the unbreakable connection between pleasing Mrs. Lion and a chance to ejaculate.