Sometimes it’s hard to separate our BDSM fun from our FLRD (Female Led Relationship with Discipline). They can overlap. I think that we are seeing the line much more clearly. Mrs. Lion’s recent ideas about painting my toenails and making me wear panties, clearly fit into the BDSM area. She never uses activities like these to punish me.
But what about enforced chastity? Is that BDSM play or part of our base power exchange? For the longest time I was convinced that enforced chastity is a serious power exchange that could even be described as a lifestyle. I know that many guys think it is. After much deliberation, I don’t. For us, at least, it fits firmly in the BDSM column.
Let me explain. Even though enforced chastity has helped us improve our marriage, it’s still a sort of sexy play. I’m locked up and teased. Eventually I get to ejaculate. I get frustrated and very horny. I get more teasing. Essentially, it’s a game for two. Playing it makes us more sexual and improves our physical relationship.
But it doesn’t influence other areas of our lives any more than painting my toenails or making me wear a diaper. It’s “fun”. Some is more fun for her than I, but it is play. I often like the idea of the play much more than actually participating, but that’s a personal problem as Mrs. Lion likes to say.
Of course, it’s all consensual. I want her to do these things. The idea of being made to endure these tortures is very hot to me. Actually living them often isn’t.
This is in contrast with our FLRD. I have rules that are meaningful to Mrs. Lion. Breaking a rule results in punishment. Unlike the play, punishments are painful events I want to avoid. The goal is to teach me to be better.
Even though in the beginning of our FLRD, we both unintentionally mixed play with punishment, we’ve learned the difference. I can receive a painful play beating. It may involve the same amount of discomfort as a punishment. But I know the difference. It’s Mrs. Lion’s attitude and approach. My reaction is nothing like it is to play.
An outside observer might have trouble distinguishing between punishment and play. But we understand it. I’m never confused about what Mrs. Lion is doing to me. I can’t escape both play and punishment, but I still understand the difference.