Last night Mrs. Lion was looking over t-shirts that we might wear at the April Kinkfest event. Cafe Press has a t-shirt for every occasion. One that she particularly liked read, “I can go anywhere I want, but I need permission to come.” Hoo boy!
I’m not sure I could wear that. I guess I have a lot more ego investment with how I am perceived by the BDSM community than I thought. It goes deeper than that. I don’t identify as submissive. Currently I am. I can’t deny that Mrs. Lion is in charge of me. But still I think of myself as “letting” her be in charge.
The fact is that she is the boss. She isn’t an in-your-face, drill-Sargent sort of boss; but she is in charge. I accept that. Well, I mostly accept it. This past weekend I realized that Mrs. Lion waits for my cue to play with me. I told her that I just figured she would play with me when she wants. Then I started thinking about what I said.
From a fantasy perspective, the dominant woman plays with her bottom for her amusement. He just accepts it submissively. From what I’ve seen, this is rarely the case. It certainly isn’t with Mrs. Lion and I. BDSM play is something she does for me. She knows it’s something I want.
It isn’t really fair of me to insist she also decide when I want it. I suppose we should set up a signal or a fixed day for this activity. Yes, it isn’t the spontaneous action of my fantasies, but it is a realistic way to keep this sane. Maybe we should run it the same way as we do punishments. Monday and Thursday are punishment days. Mrs. Lion has the option of accumulating my sins and delivering retribution on those days; or she can punish me any other time.
We set up the punishment days as a teaching tool for domestic discipline. At this point, Mrs. Lion rarely waits to punish me. But we both like the ritual. So, punishment days remain. What if we did this same sort of thing for BDSM play? A specific time could be set aside for it. That doesn’t mean Mrs. Lion won’t take other opportunities, but we know that the scheduled day will have some play in it.
I like this idea. It allows me to let go of requesting play. It frees Mrs. Lion from worrying that she is neglecting me. It also frees her from wondering if I am in the mood to play.
This brings me back to my original thought. If I get play on demand, it doesn’t make me feel submissive. Of course, you may wonder if I want to think of myself as submissive. I don’t think I do. But should I? Should I get that t-shirt and wear it even if it feels humiliating to me? Mrs. Lion doesn’t think it’s necessary. I would rather not. What is the right thing for me to do?