We don’t normally discuss our sex lives; at least not to family, friends, coworkers; let’s face it; everybody. But here we are writing a blog revealing every tiny detail of our most private behavior. Are we crazy? Possibly. But that’s beside the point.
What about when we attend an event for kinky people? It’s perfectly acceptable to share and wear revealing information about kinks. At events I’ve attended, people wear collars, carry whips, and otherwise make their preferences and roles known. In the past, when I’ve attended these events, I would wear my black engineer boots with a chain on the left boot. That indicated I was a top.
Now I’m no longer a top. I’m wearing a chastity device and I am submissive to Mrs. Lion. The thought of advertising that publicly at the gathering in Portland, OR gives makes my chest tighten. That’s odd. I’m obviously very publicly out here in the blog, in The Huffington Review, and soon in Men’s Health magazine. Hardly an undercover lion.
Of course there’s a big difference. While you can hear our voices in the Huffington podcast and you can read my words here and in Mens Health, I am distanced by the anonymity of the nickname and distance. I have to think about how it might feel to be confronted in person about my submission.
You might be thinking that it’s strange for someone so “out” as me to have that concern. Shouldn’t I have thought of this before creating a blog and appearing in mass media? Probably. To further confuse the situation, I offered to do a male chastity workshop at that event in Portland. The roster was full when I asked, but was invited to apply for the 2018 event.
Again, if I am embarrassed about being submissive, why would I do that. I’m not embarrassed about being a sex educator. I’ve been doing that for a long time. In that context, I feel fine about revealing all; just like I do here. I think the reason is that the people attending the workshop are interested in enforced male chastity, and at least in my mind, not going to think less of me.
There’s really no reason I should expect that people will think less of me because I submit to Mrs. Lion. But my background in the BDSM scene has scarred me that way. Before Fetlife and other Internet forums and sites, the way you learned about D/S was by attending meetings of local leather groups. One reason I decided to identify as a top was that the submissive men attending these meetings were a pathetic, needy lot. They were generally looked down upon by the community.
Things have changed. I know that; at least intellectually. People respect me and my choices. They may wonder why I allow myself to get into such painful pickles, but they don’t look down on me. Some part of me worries that when I put on that t-shirt, I will be thought of as another pathetic male subbie; female submissives were coveted prizes sought by prowling tops. Sexism!
There you have it. I’m uncomfortable about being labeled what I am. That, I suppose is hypocrisy or fear, maybe both. Before living with Mrs. Lion I was a respected sex educator. I ran workshops in Portland at the “Living in Leather” national conventions for several years. I’m hoping to find some old friends there. Do I want them to think I am still a lifestyle top? No, I can’t do that.
So, the choice comes down to whether we want to be public about enforced chastity at this event Should we both wear revealing t-shirts, should it just be me, or should we attend as unlabeled lions? It’s not fair to just toss the decision to Mrs. Lion. I don’t think she would like it if I did. This is something we need to discuss. What do you think?