Public Exposure

male chastity t-shirt
Would I wear this at Kinkfest? If Mrs. Lion tells me I must. On my own? Not so sure.

We don’t normally discuss our sex lives; at least not to family, friends, coworkers; let’s face it; everybody. But here we are writing a blog revealing every tiny detail of our most private behavior. Are we crazy? Possibly. But that’s beside the point.

What about when we attend an event for kinky people? It’s perfectly acceptable to share and wear revealing information about kinks. At events I’ve attended, people wear collars, carry whips, and otherwise make their preferences and roles known. In the past, when I’ve attended these events, I would wear my black engineer boots with a chain on the left boot. That indicated I was a top.

Now I’m no longer a top. I’m wearing a chastity device and I am submissive to Mrs. Lion. The thought of advertising that publicly at the gathering in Portland, OR gives makes my chest tighten. That’s odd. I’m obviously very publicly out here in the blog, in The Huffington Review, and soon in Men’s Health magazine. Hardly an undercover lion.

Of course there’s a big difference. While you can hear our voices in the Huffington podcast and you can read my words here and in Mens Health, I am distanced by the anonymity of the nickname and distance. I have to think about how it might feel to be confronted in person about my submission.

chastity t-shirt
Mrs. Lion can advertise her role too.

You might be thinking that it’s strange for someone so “out” as me to have that concern. Shouldn’t I have thought of this before creating a blog and appearing in mass media? Probably. To further confuse the situation, I offered to do a male chastity workshop at that event in Portland. The roster was full when I asked, but was invited to apply for the 2018 event.

Again, if I am embarrassed about being submissive, why would I do that. I’m not embarrassed about being a sex educator. I’ve been doing that for a long time. In that context, I feel fine about revealing all; just like I do here. I think the reason is that the people attending the workshop are interested in enforced male chastity, and at least in my mind, not going to think less of me.

There’s really no reason I should expect that people will think less of me because I submit to Mrs. Lion. But my background in the BDSM scene has scarred me that way. Before Fetlife and other Internet forums and sites, the way you learned about D/S was by attending meetings of local leather groups. One reason I decided to identify as a top was that the submissive men attending these meetings were a pathetic, needy lot. They were generally looked down upon by the community.

Things have changed. I know that; at least intellectually. People respect me and my choices. They may wonder why I allow myself to get into such painful pickles, but they don’t look down on me. Some part of me worries that when I put on that t-shirt, I will be thought of as another pathetic male subbie; female submissives were coveted prizes sought by prowling tops. Sexism!

There  you have it. I’m uncomfortable about being labeled what I am. That, I suppose is hypocrisy or fear, maybe both. Before living with Mrs. Lion I was a respected sex educator. I ran workshops in Portland at the “Living in Leather” national conventions for several years. I’m hoping to find some old friends there. Do I want them to think I am still a lifestyle top? No, I can’t do that.

So, the choice comes down to whether we want to be public about enforced chastity at this event Should we both wear revealing t-shirts, should it just be me, or should we attend as unlabeled lions? It’s not fair to just toss the decision to Mrs. Lion. I don’t think she would like it if I did. This is something we need to discuss. What do you think?


  1. Author

    I know your conundrum. I have seen these shirts before and thought long and hard about purchasing a couple. But I’m not sure where or when we would wear them. I would be ok wearing hem at a fet night. I might be ok wearing them if we were out of town. But around our home I would likely be reluctant. Again if my Queen told me to wear it I would! But I might not be very happy about it.
    I think I would wear it with pride at that event in Portland. But that’s just me!

  2. Author

    “One reason I decided to identify as a top was that the submissive men attending these meetings were a pathetic, needy lot. They were generally looked down upon by the community.”

    And that’s a big part of what kept me out of the local community here, as well. Yes, that was :mumble: years ago, but still…

    My group of friends doesn’t seem to generate the least bit of kink-friendliness. Hell, they don’t even tell off-color jokes. I’d never be out or labelled in public. At least, not the way things are here now.

    1. Author

      We are both dating ourselves; in the historic sense, not the sexual one — I stopped dating myself 3 years ago (wiggling cigar). No one I know socially, or from work for that matter would take well to a discussion of sex, much less our kinks. My job is extremely G-rated. That’s why I am careful about protecting my identity. In the past, when I attended leather events, I always wore t-shirts from prior events. I picked the most antique events that I attended. It was an ego boost to silently show that I am not a newbie. I still can’t decide if I want to brand myself as a bottom practicing enforced male chastity. I probably will suck it up and wear one that outs me. I don’t want to be a hypocrite.

  3. Author

    I can’t remember when I last heard the term “leather folk” or “leather group” in regard to munches, etc. Wow, you’re old, dude 😉

  4. Author

    I have a small metal “charm” (for lack of a better description) that I leave on my computer monitor stand along with a few -like two – other small mementos that are meaningful to me. If there were the ability to post photos here, I’d like to show it to you.

    This would be a private thing for my wife and I, except that we open our home every couple of months for fairly large kink parties, and although my desk isn’t one of the active bits of furniture, it’s certainly adjacent. I often wonder if any of the guests pick up on the clue.

    The charm is suitable for use on a key chain, but mine is already a bit full (leather tassel, handcuff key, flashlight, pen, and knife), and I’m afraid it would get beat up rather quickly. Perhaps something like that would be a somewhat more subtle way to be out, at least at the Portland event…

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