Everything that Mrs. Lion and I do is consensual. I asked to be locked into a chastity device. I agreed to make it permanent. I asked Mrs. Lion to take charge in a female led relationship (FLR). I asked her to discipline me. Period.
That doesn’t mean I am perpetually happy with my situation. I’m not. The spankings I receive are real. I truly hate them and on one level absolutely want them to stop. Then why do I encourage her to be even stricter and punish harder and longer?
The answer isn’t simple. In one sense, the punishments are supporting a greater good that I endorse. I want Mrs. Lion to express her likes and dislikes. I want to support these expressions. It’s pretty obvious that I have a strong personality and I am quite capable of rolling over requests that I don’t like. Mrs. Lion traditionally responds by internalizing her wishes. I don’t want that.
FLR and domestic discipline help me overcome this weakness. That much is obvious. Here’s where things get complicated. I find spanking arousing. To be more accurate, thinking about being spanked is hot for me. Play spankings, where I control the buildup and intensity are very exciting. On the other hand, punishment spankings are pure hell.
I’m sure you see where this is going. When I think about being spanked, I’m turned on. When I am punished, I hate it and want it to stop. The next day, I’m turned on thinking about the punishment. Does that mean the punishment is actually something I want?
I’ve been wrestling with this thought for a while now. The fact that I am turned on by the idea of being spanked isn’t really an expression of wanting my butt beaten. It’s arousal caused by the powerful message of control that a spanking sends me. I want to feel that control. When I do, I feel centered and safe. Would another form of punishment also make me feel this way? I think so.
Spanking, however, seems to be directly wired to my feeling of being controlled. The more intense the pain, the more I feel I have surrendered. This feeling doesn’t come to me while I am being beaten. During the spanking, I just want it to stop. Mrs. Lion understands that my reaction to the sensation is not what I want deep down inside my soul.
It’s hard for her to internalize this. It’s hard for me to understand this mechanism. But there it is. This opens up a new question: If a severe spanking ultimately makes me feel good inside, is it effective as a deterrent for bad behavior? In other words, does a punishment have to be pure hell with no redeeming qualities?
I used to think that a punishment isn’t useful unless it has only negative feelings for me. I don’t think so anymore. Now that we have been at domestic discipline for a while, I can unequivocally say that I have never misbehaved to prompt Mrs. Lion to punish me. The reason is that for me, spanking is like a laxative; I hate taking it, but it makes me feel better later. In other words, I don’t want to need a punishment, but when I get one it has a positive effect on me.
What this suggests is that I need “maintenance” spankings when I am not in need of correction. It’s weird, but I have to admit it’s true. Mrs. Lion’s maintenance spankings are not nearly as intense as the punishment variety. But, they are strong enough to clearly demonstrate who’s in charge. For me a spanking has the beneficial effect only when it goes past the point I really want it to stop. Mrs. Lion has figured that out for herself. I’m confirming it now.
When you read about punishments I receive, please consider that I agreed to receive them. Mrs. Lion’s efforts on my behalf are both welcome and appreciated, even if I don’t think so at the time.