“Just a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down…” This famoust line from a song in “Mary Poppins” cheerfully articulates one of the key principles in human motivation. It’s easy to get someone who is motivated to do something. Almost everything I’ve been writing about for the last three years is just that: a spoonful of sugar.

There’s a motivational principle called Gamification: the application of typical elements of game playing (e.g., point scoring, competition with others, rules of play) to other areas of activity, typically as an online marketing technique to encourage engagement with a product or service. Enforced chastity and in our case, female led relationship are examples of gamificating (did I make up that word?) female sexual and social control.

I’m not suggesting that Mrs. Lion created a plan to gamify me into submission. Nor did I consciously seek to tip the balance in our relationship. But tip it, I did. Let’s look at enforced chastity, at least our version of it. It began with me getting aroused thinking about Mrs. Lion locking up my penis and controlling when I could ejaculate. The fantasies turned me on. I love the bondage aspect. I also realized that we weren’t interacting sexually very often. We were both avoiding sex.

I figured that if Mrs. Lion locked my penis in a chastity device, she would necessarily have to engage sexually since she was my only source of release. So I did have an ulterior motive. We fell into a routine of tease and deny with an occasional orgasm thrown in.  Wearing the device year after year, was inconvenient and sometimes uncomfortable. But I loved the game of arousal, edging and ultimately, ejaculation. Mrs. Lion came to enjoy her part in it too.

As I look back at it, enforced chastity gamified sex for us. The chastity device is an essential part of the game for me. What is being gamified? The bottom line I think, is sexual submission. While we have fun with the device and teasing, we have both been conditioned to Mrs. Lion controlling my sexual pleasure. Even though we are having a lot of fun doing it, she has full control. We’ve been doing it too long for that to change, even if we stop using the device.

What about our female led relationship with domestic discipline? I admit that I have a conscious motive for starting it. I want Mrs. Lion to become more active in our marriage. I also want to learn to become less assertive. I suggested something I fantasized about: being punished for breaking rules.

When we discussed this initially, Mrs. Lion expressed no interest in being in charge. But she was willing to make and enforce rules. She chose spanking as her punishment of choice. The rules she created are difficult for me to follow; things like not spilling food on my clothes. I’m bound to do that no matter how hard I try to be neat. There are other rules like not interrupting which serve to help condition me not to be so assertive.

This is a spanking game, except the spankings are serious punishment. People have questioned why we would do this: attach real punishment to seemingly-trivial infractions. We are gamifying domestic discipline. It’s starting to take hold. Mrs. Lion enjoys catching me breaking a rule. I don’t think she enjoys spanking me, but she does enjoy finding infractions.

Each time she notes an infraction and then punishes me, she is reinforcing her position of disciplining wife. She’s also starting to make more decisions for us. Her language is subtly getting more dominant too. Recently, we discussed our progress and decided we weren’t ready to push things further. That, in itself, is a big change for Mrs. Lion. I’ve been suggesting that I should ask permission more often. I’ve wanted her to take the lead in other areas as well.

She decided it was too much. So, when we discussed our progress, she let me know that we would move at her pace. She did agree to continue enforcing her rules more strictly. She led that conversation.

I suspect that our experience isn’t unique. In our case, that spoonful of sugar is a cage on my penis and a sore, red bottom.