In our case, there is a substantial gap between my image of enforced chastity and the reality Mrs. Lion sees. One of the biggest challenges for me is dealing with indifference. For example, Mrs. Lion doesn’t really care if I have pubic hair or not. It’s more exciting for me to believe she prefers me bare, since that’s the way I have been since we met. Similarly, on many levels I really like the idea that she wants me locked up whether I want it or not.
When I wrote about this, her response is that I want her to lie to me. Strictly speaking, I guess that is true. Then, I started thinking back to my days as a lifestyle master. Things that were earthshakingly important to my bottom, were not very important at all to me. It’s clear to me that how much something counts is very much role dependent.
In the case of enforced chastity, the chastity device is the symbol of male surrender. What’s more, even under the best conditions, wearing the device requires some physical and emotional sacrifice. At the very least, it is impossible to forget that I have this thing locked around my genitals. If I learn that my keyholder really doesn’t care if I wear it or not, the only reason I still have it on is because I decided I want it there. It doesn’t feel too good to me to think that I can just get unlocked if I am tired of the device.
So, the “lie” that she likes me locked up is central to how I think about enforced chastity. I understand that Mrs. Lion doesn’t have the same investment in the device I do. When she tells me that she wants/likes me caged, it isn’t really a lie. It’s romantic fiction.
Domination is all about creating an emotional and physical reality for the submissive partner. As the dominant partner, the world doesn’t change experientially when the submissive enters the picture. The dominant partner still makes the same decisions for herself that she did before. Her world isn’t different. It just has a new addition.
That’s not the case for the submissive partner. His life changes a lot. In the case of enforced chastity, he loses sexual control of his penis. It may be locked in a device he can’t unlock. He is at the sexual mercy of his keyholder. The device he wears forced him to change the way he pees. It can be uncomfortable and require him to make lifestyle changes to allow him to wear it. Things just aren’t the same anymore.
The same is true for a female led relationship. A substantial part of the male’s happiness is invested in pleasing his partner. For example, knowing that my lack of pubic hair pleases Mrs. Lion and that she would make me lose it if it weren’t already gone, is a big turn on for me. I’ve made a personal change that pleases her.
The words, “I don’t care.” takes whatever they refer to out of the power exchange. If Mrs. Lion doesn’t care, then whatever it is becomes my choice. That’s fine for most things. It’s way too much trouble for her to have preferences about every little thing in my life. But if something is important for me to feel she wants, then indifference is like rejection. How can she tell?
I’m not a very subtle lion. I think it is easy to tell when I am “fishing” for a preference. I’m not so stupid that I don’t realize that chances are good she really doesn’t have a strong preference, but I want to suspend disbelief and be able to feel good about pleasing her. Every time she expresses a preference and I can fulfill it, I am happy and feel successful. Romantic fiction.