There is endless variety in how people think about and practice FLM. A great deal depends on the personalities of the individuals. Some women have always been in charge. It’s their nature and they chose men who would follow; at least that is the common wisdom. There is no doubt that many people do pair up with conscious or unconscious understanding of the power dynamic. I’m sure you know vanilla couples who are in a FLM without acknowledging it. It’s just the way they roll. Most relationships are far from equal partnerships. One partner or the other ends up making most of the day-to-day decisions.
FLM, as we practice it, is quite different. It’s less about day-to-day decisions than it is about obedience. We are fairly new to it and the range of authority that Mrs. Lion chooses to hold is limited to selected behaviors she wants to control. So far, I still pay the bills and make most of the operating decisions. Mrs. Lion feels pressured when I ask for her to decide things. Her approach makes a lot of sense. By focusing on a limited set of behavioral areas, she can sharpen her skill at identifying and calling out infractions. That latter is particularly important. In the past, she would notice me doing something that she didn’t like and then never let me know. Now, things are starting to change. I interrupted her mid-conversation on Friday night. Saturday, she told me that I earned a spanking for interrupting her. True, it took a while for her to tell me, but tell me she did and spank me on Monday’s punishment session she did. On Saturday she promised me I wouldn’t like it. I didn’t.
This is much more difficult than it sounds. Mrs. Lion is not entirely comfortable with her authority. I give her a lot of credit for letting me know I displeased her and then administering punishment. I think that over time she will not allow time to pass after I do something wrong. She will let me know immediately, and, as she said, make me pull over and spank me then and there. She’s said that was her goal; to call me out immediately and punish me as soon as possible.
I recognize that this is only one component of our FLM: domestic discipline. Many FLM’s don’t include domestic discipline. Ours does. I think it is very important for us. It has less to do with my behavior than it does with effective transfer of power to Mrs. Lion. Both of us are perfectly capable of going on like we always did and call it FLM. We need domestic discipline as a tool to force us both to remember our new roles. I need to be punished for thoughtless behavior. Mrs. Lion needs to feel her authority and entitlement.
This isn’t a sexual game for us. It is a serious attempt to add another dimension to our marriage that I think will bring us even closer. Mrs. Lion is learning not to let feelings build up. I am learning to be more considerate and attentive. As time goes on, FLM and domestic discipline, like enforced chastity, will become part of the fabric of our marriage.