The other day Lion pointed out that I haven’t swatted him in the kitchen in a long time. Yesterday he said he worries that he’s letting me down by not giving me orgasms. For some reason, both of these comments hit me the same way. I saw them as a failing on my part. Lion wasn’t trying to make me feel bad. He was just making statements. Neither one was intended as a criticism. If anything, his not giving me orgasms was seen, by him, as a criticism of him. So why did it make me feel bad?
I guess it’s because I see them both as things I am not doing that Lion wants to do. He wants more punishment. He wants to give me orgasms. I’m standing in his way. If only I would spank him in the kitchen his life would be complete. If only I would let him give me orgasms he would be happier. This is nonsense, of course. Neither of these things has the power to magically make Lion the happiest man in the world. But anything that I can’t do to help him be the happiest man in the world is, to me, a failing.
We discussed my lack of orgasms. It feels like a lot of pressure on me to want an orgasm. It’s not his fault I don’t want any. I don’t think he’s less of a man. He’s worried I don’t want him anymore. He’s afraid I’ll find someone younger/richer/better looking/fill-in-the-adjective. If that were the case I think I’d be looking. If that were the case I think I would have taken off within the past few months. I’m afraid, dear Lion, that you are stuck with me for the duration. We are, in fact, stuck with each other. And by stuck I mean happily paired for life.
I’m hoping that once he starts working and the finances work themselves out, and the stress levels go down, and I see the doctor to rule out any medical issues, I will be on the way to a hornier Mrs. Lion. Fingers crossed. I just want to make Lion happy.