A few days ago Mrs. Lion discussed my comment that maybe being locked in a chastity device was bad luck for my job search. She wrote that she didn’t believe that and also has no intention of unlocking me since enforced chastity has been so good for our marriage. This positive effect on our marriage dhas come up before, as early as winter of 2014. She was right when she observed this. I’ve wondered why this sexual kink would have such an amazing effect on our relationship.
In some ways she and I appear to be a poor fit. When under stress both of us tend to withdraw. We both avoid potential conflict and distract ourselves with solitary activities. I watch TV and do things on my computer. Mrs. Lion plays games on her iPad and computer. Most evenings we are in bed, I’m watching TV and she’s buried in her iPad. Prior to enforced chastity, there was some unspoken tension about our lack of sex. Through no fault of her own, Mrs. Lion’s sex drive had evaporated. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to be physically close, she just wasn’t turned on. To make things worse, I have never been good at initiating sex. I can’t explain why this is so hard for me. In other areas of my life I am outgoing and aggressive.
The unspoken stress of our sexual frustration: Mrs. Lion believing that my lack of aggression turned her off; and me feeling neglected and horny. This didn’t mean we were unhappily married; quite the contrary. We have always been completely devoted to each other. We have been best friends for over ten years. I never felt inclined to look outside the marriage for sex. I couldn’t hurt the love of my life. The sexual gap turned into a chasm. We tried stuff. Mrs. Lion spanked me sometimes and would read my horny signals and give me a handjob or more rarely oral sex. This happened less than twice a month.
We discussed this issue from time to time. The outcome was more handjobs for a while and I would give Mrs. Lion orgasms. But it never lasted for long. I have always been turned on thinking about enforced chastity and finally late in 2014 asked her to try it with me. She agreed. We both assumed it wouldn’t last. It would be just like the other times we discussed sex; a flurry of activity for a few weeks and then back to TV and the iPad. That’s not what happened.
This time it stuck. The reason, I think, is that we both knew my ability to have any sexual pleasure required the two of us to actively do something. Mrs. Lion couldn’t just ignore sex. She literally had the key to my pleasure. If she happened to “forget” sex, I couldn’t just jerk off like I did before. I had to convince her to unlock me and get me off. That locking cage forced us to pay attention to sex, at least sex for me. Since her libido was absent, sex for me was the only sexual option we had.
Of course, at any point Mrs. Lion could decide that enforced chastity was too much trouble. I could have asked to be unlocked for any number of reasons. I wasn’t going to do that. Mrs. Lion was giving me several orgasms a month. This was an exponential increase over the pre-chastity days. She wrote that making me happy was motivating her. She liked her ability to give me so much pleasure. She could have done all this without the cage, but she isn’t proactive by nature and without the cage, inertia would have set in and sex would have drifted away.
Over time other changes took place. She became comfortable with tease and denial and found some amusement in my frustration. I learned to express my arousal and frustration more verbally. I became conditioned to enforced chastity. She grew comfortable with her role. My interpretation is that she also found new pleasure in the power exchange because we were both enjoying more and more physical intimacy. She said that she is sure the cage makes this happen. She’s so sure that last week when I worried that the cage was causing my bad luck finding a job, she told me that was silly and I wasn’t getting out of the cage.
The very nature of enforced chastity: transferring control of my sexual pleasure to Mrs. Lion, motivated each of us to make changes that have improved our communications and our physical (not necessarily sexual) intimacy. She is learning to be more assertive and comfortable in her role as head of the house. I am slowly learning obedience and submission. Enforced chastity, by its very nature, is a change agent. It forces changes in both the caged male and his keyholder. In our case, the change has been overwhelmingly positive; so positive that it is very unlikely I will ever be wild again.
[Mrs. Lion I don’t disagree, but your post got me thinking about what I think really changed for me. For whatever reason, I didn’t think about you masturbating. And finding out that you did, sort of bothered me. And then I thought about how selfish I’d been for not paying more attention to you. I do think that we’d probably go back to inertia after a while without the cage. I’m just not sure the cage itself was my eureka moment.]