The Velvet Glove

The classic enforced chastity / FLM fantasy portrays the keyholder / disciplining wife as a strict dominant who makes her will known using withering looks and stern tones. Punishment is swift and strong. Orders are given and opinions are never solicited. That might be how some relationships work, but not ours. Mrs. Lion isn’t assertive. She never lets me know when she wants something. She doesn’t like to tell me what to do.  Her personality doesn’t lend itself to the dictatorial dominatrix archetype. I know she has wrestled with this since I asked her to lock me up. At times we have both been frustrated. But I married a very smart lioness and she is developing her own style.

I should say that every time I write about how I see her wielding power, she lets me know that I have it wrong. So, take this post with a grain of salt until she confirms what I am saying. One of the best benefits of this blog for she and I is that it allows us to express what we think is going on and then get correction and confirmation as needed. With that in mind, here goes.

Mrs. Lion does not like being in charge. At work she avoids supervisory roles if possible. Here at home she would much rather I say what we will watch on TV, eat for dinner, go on vacation, even what movie we should see. Even though we have agreed to a FLM, that hasn’t changed. I think that’s fine. The pattern works for us. But then how can we have FLM (Female Led Marriage)? Over time I think that Mrs. Lion will use her veto power more, maybe much more. It’s difficult for her to say no. Her challenge is to assert her will over mine.  It makes no sense to either of us for her to do it in an arbitrary way just to show she has the power. Goodbye fantasy dominatrix. However, as her self confidence grows, I hope she will assert herself more. This will happen in two ways: First, she will say no when my suggestion isn’t what she wants. That will be a very big step. The second, even bigger step will be when she actually tells me what she wants. Both of these actions will be hard for some time, but she will do it.

The reason I am sure she will is that in the sexual area she has done precisely that. She teases me and gives me orgasms without any input from me. I truly don’t have a vote about my sexual activities. It took a long time to get to this point, but we got there. In yesterday’s post, she asserted this very point. Good job my lioness! I’m sure she will continue to exercise her power in other areas as well.

She also knows me very well. I’m not fundamentally submissive. I am comfortable being in charge. I’m very comfortable as a top. You would never pick me as a great candidate for enforced chastity and FLM. But I asked for both. Maybe one day I will understand why I want this, but I do. That doesn’t mean my nature is going to suddenly do a 180 and magically turn me into a submissive. It means that I need to submit, not that I will be good at it.

As I said, Mrs. Lion is very smart. She knows that I need to feel successful relinquishing control. Head-on challenges might be fun in a play sense, but would almost certainly make me insecure and rebellious.  So Mrs. Lion’s iron fist is covered with a velvet glove. Take the movie we went to last night. In our current difficult circumstances, a trip to the movies is a big event. Mrs. Lion gave me a reward for my work around the house. She told me we could go see Entourage. I loved the TV show and she knew I really wanted to see the movie. She didn’t say when or even make a move to remind me. She knew I would think of it and ask her if we could go. Friday night I looked on the web and saw it was playing nearby at a theater that also serves food. It’s fun to go. The movie doesn’t cost more than other theaters though you do end up buying a burger and a drink. She agreed it was a good idea. I got the tickets and we went. She bought me a burger and a diet coke. We had a good time and I loved the movie.

This power exercise required my help. I did decide when we would go. But that’s fine. I knew it was a reward. Would it have been better if she made the arrangements? Perhaps, but it worked just fine this way too. I would just hope that if I forgot I had it coming that she would have reminded me. As it was, I remembered. I tend to be better at remembering things.

What I find particularly instructive is that we can still capitalize on our strengths while maintaining our particular flavor of FLM. From the outside it may look like I call the shots, but the truth is that I asked Mrs. Lion if we could go before getting tickets. She said yes and remembered it was my reward. I think that too many guys make the mistake of confusing stern behavior with authority. Mrs. Lion has a firm grip on my leash. I can only go as far as she wants. She is in charge and I know it.