A great deal of our recent posts have been on the subject of domestic discipline. We’ve both tried to explain how we feel about it. Probably why this is so front of mind lately is that Mrs. Lion has been rewarding me and most recently punishing me for things I have done. We’ve established that there are no clear behavioral issues that I need to correct. We’ve also established that Mrs. Lion doesn’t think in the context of reward and punishment. The main reason for this is that she doesn’t think in terms of having authority over me.
That’s not entirely true. She has come to accept sexual control. She’s very good at keeping me horny and not giving in when I just have to come. That, my dear lioness, is control. The much more difficult challenge is taking things out of the lion orgasm area and into more general parts of our lives. A year ago, it was a challenge for Mrs. Lion to get into a habit of teasing me between orgasms. It was also challenging to set and enforce orgasm dates. She conquered both.
The technique that seems to have worked best to help her is scheduling and sticking to the schedule. Mrs. Lion decided that she would tease me every other day. She has religiously followed this commitment. She has scheduled my orgasm dates far into the future. This assures that she doesn’t have to worry about what to do next. She can change them if she wants, but at the least she has a plan.
Over the last couple of weeks Mrs. Lion has given me two rewards: coupons for extra non-orgasmic play sessions. I love the rewards because I love when she plays with me, but also because I know she appreciates some extra cooking that I have done. It’s the best sort of positive reinforcement. Last week, when I forgot to run an errand she asked me to do, she punished me with a spanking for forgetting. This is also a great move. I didn’t like the spanking, but I like that Mrs. Lion cares enough to discipline me.
Here we are in February, a year after we started, with a new challenge. Domestic discipline is a bit different than enforced chastity, but it has some of the same characteristics:
- It’s different than anything we have done before. Yes, Mrs. Lion has spanked me many times, even on occasion for breaking a rule. But those spankings weren’t rooted in real discipline. The same is true of rewards. That’s new too. Like enforced chastity, discipline has no context in our current lives.
- This is unnatural for Mrs. Lion. She never considered controlling my sexual fun and she never considered having power over my day-to-day life.
- New behaviors and ways of thinking are required. After a year, enforced chastity is second nature to us both and we have happily incorporated it into our lives. Domestic discipline requires a new way to think and act.
We built good habits and created a long-term, working enforced chastity relationship. It took some “artificial” techniques, like scheduling teases, but it worked. Mrs. Lion likes to hear I am horny. She no longer considers that a demand for release. She’s learned that this is exactly what I asked her to do.
I think we need to build a framework to help us learn domestic discipline. We know enough about each other to know that leaving things open-ended will doom us to letting things taper off. Enforced chastity worked because the chastity device was a continual reminder that we had things we needed to do. We communicated daily about chastity and eventually worked out our current activities. I think we need to do the same thing with our domestic discipline. As I see it, there is a list of things that need to happen for it to work.
My behavior, good and bad, needs to be tracked. Mrs. Lion can’t reward or punish me without reasons. I think that means we need to become more aware of what I do and what I miss. This could become a nightmare until we develop the habits we need to incorporate domestic discipline in our lives. I’m sure Mrs. Lion would hate to make detailed lists of each and every thing she expects me to do. I am not fond of that either. Instead, I think we should evolve into this form of authority.
While it is good to have rules, I do like them, they are way too much trouble all the time. Instead, I suggest that Mrs. Lion not worry whether or not I was told to do or not do something. She should expect me to know what I need to do to please her. Just because there isn’t a rule that I should make the bed neatly doesn’t mean that she shouldn’t discipline me if it isn’t neat, or for that matter, reward me for doing an extra good job. She just needs to become aware of what I am doing and react appropriately. There is no such thing as an unfair punishment. After all, there is no rule that I cook, but when I did a lot, I got rewarded. Well, what if I had the chance and didn’t cook, don’t I deserve to be punished? I don’t have to be asked to do something before it becomes discipline-eligible. It just has to be a lapse on my part. The punishments and rewards will teach me what is good lion behavior, and what is bad. It has nothing to do with fairness.
I suggest that rewards can be small. They don’t have to be extra play sessions. Little things are nice too. There are a lot of possible punishments, but since this is a difficult area, maybe we should start with only one: spanking. Mrs. Lion isn’t going to be in the mood to punish me each time I err. So, we need a way to keep track. I suggest that she give me that responsibility. Make it my job to keep the record. So, if she sees something that I didn’t do as well as I should, she can just say, “Add 10 swats to the list.” I’ll add that to a little list. When punishment day arrives, I can produce the list and she can administer it.
Like teasing, we can have scheduled punishment days. Maybe like teasing it is every other day, or maybe every third day, or every Wednesday and Saturday. She can, of course, punish on the spot if that is what she prefers. It’s just like or teasing and orgasm schedule. It’s a framework to help us learn.
The big trick will be learning to judge my behavior. I suggest that Mrs. Lion consider finding at least one naughty thing a day. She is very good at finding things to reward. Since all she has to do is tell me and I will keep track, it won’t interrupt her other activities. This even can work in public. If I do something that needs correction, she can just look at me and say “Ten.” I’ll make a note. Once Mrs. Lion gets into this habit, or even before she does, she can do different punishments as she wishes.
You can see that I like your blog because it is one of the few that are believable because it mirrors my real life experience. It does not read word for word like the fantasy stuff you find all over the net.
While we have always been into BDSM since 1971, it was never done for punishment, just fun. Last year after starting chastity play and a little D/s in our real life, my wife came into my man cave with a riding crop and told me that I was going to be punished for forgetting to take out the trash 3 times in a row. I could not believe that my normally submissive wife who is only dominant in the bedroom, wanted to do this. She did and enjoyed it. I did not as it was not like my sexual whippings during sex.
From there she ordered a strap and cane. Now she only uses the cane because it requires very little effort to produce nice red lines on my butt. We do not have any coupons or structure discipline play. If I piss her off, she marches me into the bedroom has me drop my pants and administers anywhere from 5 to 25 strokes of the cane. 25 strokes is very painful and has to be done with rest breaks or the pain is too much for me. She hits very hard and wants to leave me crying when done. Her girlfriend gets wet from my moans of pain but my wife has only recently begun to get sexually excited from my pain. I think that my moans from pain are not very different than my moans of pleasure and sexual frustration, which trigger her orgasms.
Domestic Discipline is now part of our marriage. We never had kids so we could play anytime we want. I am scheduled for a maintenance caning tonight after I massage my wife. In one year we went from not taking our fetish play out of the bedroom to incorporating it into our every day lives. Chastity has made that possible because you cannot leave that at the bedroom door.
I never was into BDSM or humiliation outside of the bedroom and now I am wearing panties and bra every day, submitting to punishment and being my wife’s pleasure slave. Massages every night and once dinner is over, I serve her all night. I make her coffee, bring her snacks and no longer have a say in what we watch on TV. My wife is no longer with her gf but is looking. Hard to find a bi women that is OK with dominating me.
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