Why Do I Want These Things Done To Me?

Mrs. Lion and I were in bed last night and I commented that I don’t think I will ever understand women. She responded that men aren’t all that easy to understand either. I said that sexually we were pretty simple creatures.

“Really?,” she responded. “You want your cock locked up, you like pain, you want me to make you do things you hate. How is that simple and easy to understand?”

She had a good point. My immediate thought was that it all seemed pretty obvious to me. That thought didn’t last long. She was right. I’m not that easy to understand at all. My problem is that I don’t understand either.

Yes, I can give the superficial answers: I want Mrs. Lion to be in sexual control. Locking me up, spanking me, sticking things up my ass enhance my feelings of being controlled. That answer doesn’t really cover the “why.” It is the “what”.

Is it how I am wired; that all this is programmed in my genes? My genes somehow destined me to want my ass beaten? If so, wouldn’t there be evidence of this in my family tree?  Admittedly, I don’t know what went on in my parents’ bedroom, but I am pretty sure it didn’t go past vanilla sex. As far as I know, there are no other members of my family who like kink. Of course, I could be blissfully ignorant and there may be generations of lions who have had trouble sitting down on occasion.

I know that I never thought about any of this stuff until I stumbled across it in my reading. First the spanking and bondage and female domination; I’ve written about that before. I discovered enforced chastity on the early Web. In both cases, reading got me hard immediately and captured my imagination. It wasn’t the same as reading erotica. It was a visceral reaction that seemed to tap a well deep inside of me.

I’m not sure that any of us can explain why we want these things; especially sexual activities. In general, our sexual contact with our partners is based on a rather thin thread of common understanding. Mrs. Lion and I like to have sex. She is much less interested than I, but she gets pleasure out of my orgasms.

She doesn’t get sexual satisfaction from locking my penis in a chastity device. Nor, does spanking me, penetrating me anally, or exercising control turn her on. Nature and instinct are no help. We are programmed to fuck for procreation. Anything else is unsupported by instinct.

There is an interesting distinction here: my kinks come from some primal needs that I can’t possibly understand. Mrs. Lion’s participation comes from her intellect. She supports my needs because she knows it makes me happy when she does. The pleasure she gets comes from knowing she is giving so much pleasure to me. There may also be the satisfaction of perfecting a new skill and doing a job well. But nothing deep inside her responds to these kinks.

How can she understand me? I can’t explain it to her or even to myself. Fortunately, she knows she doesn’t need the “why” to do these things. She just needs the “how”. Of course, the how isn’t all that easy. She has had to learn that even though I hate the stinging pain of a disciplinary spanking, it meets an inner need and ultimately provides me with both satisfaction and arousal. The same is true of being denied orgasms. She knows I desperately want them and it bothers her to see me so needy. I get grumpy when deprived and she has to deal with that as well. Not exactly a font of sexual delight for her.

Quite a learning curve for my lioness! She is truly amazing. Despite the lack of benefits for her, she continues to support these weird sexual needs of mine. Interestingly, over the last year of enforced chastity and frequent d/s activities, she has discovered an unexpected benefit. By taking sexual control and making it physically impossible (within reason) for me to provide or get sexual satisfaction without her, we were both forced to focus on our sexual relationship in a new way.

Last night, after Mrs. Lion’s comment, I started thinking about our evolution with enforced chastity and my sexual submission. She has become much more proficient at providing discipline, anal stimulation, and enforced chastity management. As she has said, my cage has become part of our lives. She said that my enforced chastity has been a positive force in our marriage. Maybe it isn’t important why I want all this, nor is it important for Mrs. Lion to share my feelings about it. We don’t have to understand why it works. It just does.