A great deal has been written here and elsewhere about the idea of keyholder topping of the caged male. Lioness and I have been working to understand what this means for us. There is a wide spectrum of what topping can be. It ranges from 24/7 domination to scheduled play sessions. There is also confusion around integrating this with forced male chastity. I am caged 24/7 and only released for short periods of time for hygiene or sexual play. Does that imply that my role as bottom is also 24/7? Is lioness expected to manage my life? Where does all this begin and end?
Initially, I imagined that my role as bottom would extend through my home life. I thought that I would have rules to obey with punishments for failure to abide by them. I imagined that when at home or out and about with lioness, her authority would continue. Essentially, I would be a bottom all the time except when at work. That might be what she was thinking too, but even if we agree that the scope of her domination does, in fact cover my total non-professional life, we would still need to agree on limits.
I haven’t seen any discussions of limits in the chastity community. In the BDSM world, limits are a perquisite to any top/bottom interaction. At their most basic, limits are agreements on what is out of bounds in top/bottom play. A lot of people, particularly beginners, like to say that they have no limits. Really? Is it ok for your keyholder/top to get you castrated? Hmm, we may have uncovered a limit.
Even if you have been together for decades, negotiating limits helps both partners understand that they are playing the same game. Clearly, the bottom sets limits since it defines what the agreement to bottom covers. It’s fair to discuss them, but this is the one time the bottom is in control. It is always fair to renegotiate limits as the top/bottom relationship evolves. Here is a list of some possible starting points:
- How often/long is the male to be caged? Is it 24/7/365? Weekends only? Not at work?
- Are there times that the cage must come off? Doctor appointments? Formal affairs? Travel?
- What does the keyholder control? Sex only? General behavior? Chores?
- When does the keyholder have control? Weekends? Evenings? Scheduled times? All the time?
- Can the keyholder punish the caged male? How?
- Are there things that the keyholder may not control?
- Are there things the caged male can not be made to do? Cross dressing? Bi or homosexual sex? Think carefully about this one. If the keyholder is in control, the caged male can be required to do most anything that isn’t on this list (within reason).
- Is there a minimum number of orgasms per week/month/year/century that the caged male must have?
You get the idea. There are some automatic limits: No activity that will cause injury to the bottom; nothing that will get him in trouble with other people, work, or the law. Common sense must prevail!
If the caged male refuses to discuss limits, then I would suggest not topping at all, even caging. While some men like the idea that they have no control. This idea is a set up for the top to fail. Any power exchange requires two people to actively participate. Surrender of total control is a myth. You are still partners, you just added a new dimension to that partnership.