What Is Sexual Control?
(Tuesday, May 27 2014) One of the reasons I wanted to be caged was my desire to feel Mrs. Lion’s sexual control. We have been learning exactly what this means. The obvious meaning is, of course, controlling if and when I get to orgasm. Does this mean that there are only two ways to experience this control: making me wait longer and longer to come, or making me come more frequently than I want? If that’s the case, my opportunities to orgasm will be further and further apart. Is that the only way to do this?
I, for one, would rather not be made to wait months for an orgasm in order for Mrs. Lion to demonstrate her control. Given, our rediscovered sex life I would hate for that to happen. I do agree with her recent post that demonstrating control by increasing my waiting time is a good idea. I just don’t want this wait to get longer and longer. Of course, that isn’t my call and I am prepared to wait as long as she makes me. Is there any other way to demonstrate this control?
It seems to me that sexual control also extends to rules that I am required to obey and the discipline I must experience if I disobey. In my mind, being disciplined is the strongest expression of control. This probably goes back to my childhood where there was virtually no discipline. I think I associate discipline, which requires noting my behavior and reacting to it, as an expression of love. This isn’t universal. Many caged males see sexual deprivation the same way I see discipline.
It may make no sense on the surface. How is spanking or giving me a correction with the shock collar sexual control? To me, knowing that Mrs. Lion will do these unpleasant things to me is a big turn on. I get aroused thinking about her corrections and spankings. However, the actual correction or spanking does not arouse me. I hate it when it happens. Later, after the pain subsides, my memory of the discipline is arousing. I get a similar set of feelings from tease and deny as well. But the biggest turn on for me is the discipline.
Forced male chastity is an obvious and very strong expression of loss of control. I realize I have lost the ability to get hard and to make myself come. I like that a lot. However, I don’t feel a constant yearning to get hard and get off; at least up to now. That could change if I am teased and forced to wait longer. I don’t know. If I think about being forced to wait a few more days for being naughty, or more powerfully, being spanked or shocked, always starts a “chubby” in my cage.
Does that mean I could feel Mrs. Lion’s control without the cage? I am sure it does. But the chastity device I wear serves a purpose that goes beyond control. It provides an unmistakable reminder to Mrs. Lion that I am completely dependent on her for any sexual activity; that my penis is only available to me for urination. None of the fun stuff is under my control. I like that feeling. One of the most dramatic and frightening-to-some-men aspects of forced male chastity is the absolute loss of independent sexual activity. I not only can’t masturbate; I can’t even get hard. That does reach deep into the male psyche.
One reason that forced male chastity isn’t more popular is the absolutely real loss of sexual control. Unlike “play” where the man is disciplined during play sessions but is free to function independently the rest of the time, caged males have a permanent loss of sexual control as long as his keyholder keeps him locked in. I haven’t seen a case when just lockup and sexual deprivation is enough. Virtually all caged males need additional control and discipline as well. This makes the keyholder’s job more complex than just locking up her male and giving him an occasional orgasm. It also explains why only a small number of women are willing to pursue this long term.
One of the key ways we caged males can help our keyholders succeed and feel satisfaction with their skill at male control is to clearly communicate what works for us. I honestly didn’t know what to tell Mrs. Lion when we started. I am very grateful she loves me enough to experiment. I am learning what works for me and she is learning what works for her. We are communicating better than we ever have. We are both growing. Most importantly, we are both actively working to please each other. I am trying my best to reawaken her libido and please her more and more. She is working hard to make me feel her sexual control. I can’t ask for more than that.
As You May Have Noticed
Many of my posts are about how much I love my Lion. And when I think of this site, more often than not, I see it as a love story. Sure it’s about playing and sex and that little cage my cock is locked up in. But for me, it’s about rediscovering my husband.
I never stopped loving Lion. We had drifted very far apart. When he approached me with the chastity idea I thought it was just another one of his games. I figured we’d do it for a while until we (read that as I) got bored and that would be the end of that. But something has happened. That piece of intertwined metal has changed our lives. I’m sure this blog has had a lot to do with it, too. I know I’ve learned a few things I never knew about him. And along the way maybe we are helping people who join us here.
Locking Lion away has somehow freed him. He now seems willing to attempt initiating sex. At least some forms of sex. Before it was all about him. I would have to make the first move-unless you count the first move as wriggling closer to me and announcing he was horny-and he was the only one who got attention. Now he’s fingering me on a Sunday afternoon. Forget any progress I may have made, that’s the real progress!
Part of me wonders, if the cage came off, would things go right back to the way they were, losing everything we’ve learned? I don’t want to take a chance. This is too important.
I never stopped loving Lion, but I’m really enjoying falling in love with him all over again.
Just a Rainy Sunday
(Sunday, May 25 2014) In the midst of doing chores on Sunday, we decided to snuggle up in bed and watch some TV shows we recorded. It’s amazing how we sleep together naked every night, but somehow wrapped in his arms on a chilly, lazy Sunday made me feel closer to him than ever. And, as often happens, I can’t keep my hands off of him.
Lion was locked up and the key was way over there and it was warm under the blankets. So poor Lion was trapped. That didn’t keep me from teasing him. And eventually he started fingering me. I can’t tell you the last time I had an orgasm in the middle of the afternoon. As I was calming down I decided that night I wanted another orgasm. I was going to ride my Lion and I wanted him to come inside me.
Later, after I removed his cage so he could take a shower and clean it, I decided that I wasn’t really in the mood for an orgasm myself. But I still wanted Lion to come inside me. Why would I want him to come inside me when I don’t want to come? Aside from the fact that it feels good, it’s been a long time since he’s done it. I wanted to please him, but even more than that, it’s like he has given me a gift. Part of him is inside me. And it makes me feel even closer to him.
It’s interesting that the cage, which is a barrier between us, has actually brought us closer. Maybe we should have invested in it sooner.
Ruined Again
(Sunday, May 25 2014)You’ve heard of “butt dialing”. Yesterday, I got butt zapped. Mrs. Lion had the remote for my invisible leash (Shock collar) in her pocket. She mentioned that in her post yesterday. At one point she must have bent over in a way that pressed the lion shock button. I jumped. She looked at me strangely. “You just butt shocked me,” I said. She smiled. In the past she would have been upset that she did something that hurt me without intending to do so. Now, she is amused. In her post the other day she mentioned how she was poised to use me for her pleasure. Last night, however, she decided to edge me over and over. She is clearly experimenting to see how far she can push me without generating a ruined orgasm. Last night she got very close three times. The fourth, she went just a stroke or two too far. Nothing happened at first, but after a minute or two a sticky fluid appeared; not much, just a big drop or two. My erection disappeared and more fluid escaped. It was another ruined orgasm. This one, however, was so close to just being teasing, my body had only the barest amount of stimulation to trigger a very pathetic ejaculation. It was very frustrating. Yet, I was done. I was unable to get hard again.
I always thought that as long as there was some semen still stored in the prostate, repeated ruined orgasms were possible. I know other males experience that. We didn’t really try to see if I could too. When I got soft, Mrs. Lion put me back in my cage. In a way I am frustrated. I long for the intensity of a full orgasm. On another level, I don’t feel aroused; not satisfied, but not aroused. This could be a function of my age. Sex isn’t as urgent as it used to be. It also may be due to the fact that Mrs. Lion hasn’t yet used me for her pleasure.
The essence of forced male chastity is, I think, that not only is the caged male deprived of sexual satisfaction, but that his keyholder gets very frequent satisfaction. The male has to provide this pleasure without receiving any for himself. He has to smell and taste her arousal and orgasm. This is, of course, naturally very arousing. Unfortunately for him, all he gets is the arousal without the opportunity to orgasm himself. I haven’t experienced that yet, but based on what I am reading and hearing, I will. I can’t help but wonder if I may regret wanting to be caged. I also wonder if unselfishly providing pleasure will open up new emotional connections for us. I don’t resent my ruined orgasms. I do feel intense frustration and regret, but no resentment toward Mrs. Lion. After all, as she likes to remind me, I asked for this.
One of the concerns she mentioned in her post was that I might orgasm before she is done with my cock. This concern and the reality that maintaining an erection in all intercourse positions is difficult for me, has led her to consider me using a dildo. I will be a bit jealous of the dildo, but I want to make her happy. Her post also mentioned something that means a great deal to me: she expects to get pleasure making me do these things. In the past she has said that she likes doing things for me, but not getting direct pleasure herself. When she begins this new program, I will get more edging, ruined orgasms, and waiting and she will get frequent orgasms I provide with my mouth, cock, and toys. Sounds like a win-win to me.
