Confessions Of A Flat-Butted Male

my flat ass and legs
This is my body. I have a small, flat ass.

Once in a while Mrs. Lion references my flat butt. She’s right; it’s very small. It won’t even let me wear a belt. Jeans just slide over my narrow hips and down my legs. I have to wear suspenders. I hate them. I’m also not too fond of how I look from behind. It’s taken me years to discover what style jeans to buy that don’t look baggy in back (slim fit). Yeah, I know that this is a problem women usually complain about. Well, guess what? Guys like having nice rears too.

Obviously rear-enhancing undies

Apparently, almost no one has discovered this male vanity. One company, Obviously underwear, has. I received an email advertising “Underwear fabric with butt shaper effect.” I was intrigued. Obviously is the famous maker of pouch underpants. Each pair has a roomy pouch for cock and balls. I have a bunch of them. They are very comfortable and look good in front. Now, they are claiming butt improvement.

The image on the site is impressive. I yearn to look that way in back. I’m sure I won’t, but maybe, just maybe, my rear will have some shape. Mrs. Lion says she likes my ass just the way it is. I don’t doubt her, but I suspect she might like to see more shape when I stand up. Based on the pictures she has taken of me riding the spanking bench, I exhibit some nice roundness when my butt is presented as a target for her paddles. Unfortunately, the shape goes away when I stand. I ordered some of this new butt-shaping underwear. Maybe it will improve my rear view.

My butt has a nice shape when I ride the spanking bench

When I start obsessing over things like the shape of my butt, it’s a clear signal that I am way past horny. Since I suffer from erectile dysfunction, this strong need doesn’t translate to boners. That doesn’t change how my hormones are stirring me up. Mrs. Lion said that she knows where some Edex is. I’m hoping she will unearth it and give me some relief. I’m not as anxious for her to find the paddle collection. Of course, she doesn’t need a paddle to spank me. We have a ton of pervertable kitchen and bathroom items that will make me yelp when she hits me with them. Her sore shoulders may be keeping her away from that particular activity.

Meanwhile, we need to do a lot of unpacking. We are nowhere near livable yet.

the WordPress nazis strike again

WordPress is the content management system used by millions of bloggers and other website creators. It’s produced by a company named “Automatic.” It’s available as a free application you can install on a computer. That’s what I use here. It’s also available as a turn-key blog on There is a free version as well as paid, more powerful versions available. The other big provider of blog software is Google. They offer turn-key blogs much the same way as Automatic.

What you might not know is that Automatic also offers a plugin called Jetpack. This plugin offers additional features for standalone WordPress installations. Some of the enhancements are free; others cost money. I’ve been a Jetpack user since we started this blog. Last week, I got an email from the “Trust Department” at Automatic informing me that unless I remove sexually explicit content from my site, they would disconnect the Jetpack plugin. Fucking nazis!

I immediately blasted back with an email informing them that I would not change content and they could shove Jetpack up their corporate ass. I’ve done so. As a result, we temporarily can’t manage notifying subscribers of posts, and we can’t show related posts. We also lost their backup service. However, we have that covered another way.

Another chastity blogger, Denying Thumper, was a paid subscriber. The content nazis shut him down without warning. They did that to Collard Michael as well. Both found new homes on hosts who don’t think sex is a crime.

It’s a shame that such narrow-minded people run Automatic. Over the years they were a friendly source of help for bloggers at all skill levels. The WordPress content management system is still the best way to create a blog. A huge chunk of the Internet uses it. It seems irresponsible for Automatic to attempt to censor content. If a website is not breaking the law, why should a corporation try to censor it?

At this point, it doesn’t look like Automatic can censor sites like ours that use the freeware version of WordPress. They might want to try, but too many outlets distribute the free software. Still, there’s something horribly wrong with a company as important as Automatic using its ability to shut down customers as a way of repressing perfectly legal sexual content. Sex isn’t a crime. Pictures of naked people aren’t obscene. I’m disgusted by Automatic and its Hitlarian approach to doing business.

If you have a website and pay for it, send me a note (Contact Us), and I can point you to a much cheaper resource that protects your privacy and respects your content.