Since we went out Saturday night, there was no fun in the Lion’s den. Lion offered to give me an orgasm because it was punishment day and that’s the agreement right now. I was tired. Not that I was any less tired last night, but it was earlier in the evening when he asked if I wanted attention.
My answer was no. I don’t want attention, in the sense that he wants attention. But I feel obligated to let him try. The question has never been if I can have an orgasm. I know I can. I just don’t care if I have one or not. Lion is determined to change that. He wants me to enjoy sex again. He feels bad that he gets all the attention.
Again, it’s not like I’m horny and he’s refusing to do anything about it. If that were the case, I could masturbate. I don’t have any restrictions on masturbation like he does. I could spend a little more time in the shower with the pulsating shower head. I could use the bidet to my advantage. I could make Lion wait for an orgasm of his own until he took care of my needs. I have options. What I don’t have is a libido.
It may seem strange but when Lion initiates now, it seems forced. I guess it is. It’s similar to my learning to punish him with silly little rules. But more than that, it sort of annoys me. He’s initiating when I don’t care about sex. Where was he when I did? There was no reciprocation when I actually wanted sex. That ship has sailed.
I want to make it clear that I don’t sabotage him when he’s trying to give me an orgasm. I’m all in. My mind is thinking happy, orgasm thoughts. The other night, it worked. Last night, it didn’t. You win some, you lose some. The past few times I’ve tried to edge Lion hasn’t worked out well. I’m surprised he hasn’t said he’s broken. So, as of last night, I’m 1-2 and Lion is 0-2.
Tonight I’ll try to get to him earlier in the night. Once I’m out of the shower I’ll start trying. I think it’s the time of night that does him in. I’d like to concentrate on him tonight. It’s been a while since he’s had an orgasm and even longer since he’s been edged. During Unlocktober, I went straight for orgasms. I’m also a little sore again. If you don’t use something in a long time and then go for a spin, there’s bound to be some rustiness. I should be ready for another try on Thursday, which is punishment day and Mrs. Lion fun night.
[Lion — Actually tonight is also lioness sex night. We did try on Sunday just because Mrs. Lion was sore on Saturday. It sounds like we are skipping today. That’s fine with me. I don’t want to force things too much.]