I think that Mrs. Lion’s post yesterday is quite revealing about both of us. It also explains why it’s taken us a long time to get where we are now. She discussed my focused taste in burgers and my picky taste for pizza’s. She wrote that I will send food back if it isn’t as I expected. It’s true I will. She also wrote that she is willing to accept incorrect orders rather than return them. This difference is telling.
In other terms, I’m demanding at restaurants and she accepts what she is served. This applies elsewhere in our lives as well. One would expect the opposite to be the case. If I am submissive, Mrs. Lion should be demanding, especially of me, and I should be accepting. It means I have to work hard to accept what she wants and she has to work hard to refuse to let me get away with things.
She’s come a long way. I rarely get a pass for breaking rules. Mrs. Lion notices when I break a rule and she punishes me every time. That’s not a natural behavior for her. She works hard to be strict and consistent. Over the last two years, she has made significant changes that support our FLR with discipline. My changes are not nearly as important. All I need to do is obey or be punished. My changes are driven by Mrs. Lion’s paddle. It’s way easier for me.
It was my hope that when we began our FLR with discipline, that Mrs. Lion would not only be demanding of me, but would also extend her authority to the world around her. That change is a little slower than learning to own me. I wonder if real change is possible. Maybe we learn new behaviors, but lurking in the background are all those old behaviors that may turn out to be our true nature.
I’m pretty sure that’s untrue. My evolution has been from a shy guy, unwilling to make any waves. I ate cheese on my burgers for quite a while. Somewhere in my late twenties I learned to be assertive. My metamorphosis was mostly the result of a conscious effort to reach out to strangers. That led to me being willing to take action when something wasn’t the way I wanted.
This assertiveness has worked very well for me. It made it possible for me to advance in my career. More importantly, since then I’ve never had to eat a burger with cheese, lettuce, mayo, and pickles.