In Female Led Relationship (FLR) circles there’s a widely held belief that adopting this practice restores some sort of natural order. I don’t know many women who share this belief. Being in charge is work. It isn’t easy to be responsible for others. I know, you could argue that most women are already in charge. They manage kids, household budgets, as well as responsible jobs. Adding the burden of being boss to their husbands is just piling more on.
If any women imagine being in an FLR is more managerial work, they’ve drunk the KoolAid. This may come as unwelcome news to some guys, but FLR is really a game similar to male chastity. Oops, there goes my readership. Let me clarify. FLR is real. I’ve had trouble sitting down after enough punishments to attest to that. It does put limits on my life that weren’t there before we started. It is effective as a relationship tool. But, it is still a game.
Games have a consistent pattern: the people who play them agree to do so. They agree to and abide by the rules. The players can end the game if they want. In other words, games are consensual activities under the control of the people who play them.
Under this definition, you could claim that marriage is also a game. It almost fits the pattern. Where it fails is that there are no rules. Both players can make them up as they go along. A game like FLR or male chastity can comfortably exist inside a marriage. The marriage can survive without the game.
Confusing? The differences are subtle. I think that the most significant is survivability. FLR fantasy often includes the idea that the man in a female-led relationship has to be obedient and accept punishment or his wife will end the marriage. This sort of “or else” makes no sense. The punishment within FLR is the “or else”. Why would there be an “or else” for the “or else?” I think the reason this nuclear alternative is included in the fantasies supports the concept that FLR isn’t consensual. He has to accept her cruel power and punishments or find himself homeless without his family.
Since FLR is almost always male initiated, the worst “or else” isn’t ending the marriage, it’s ending the FLR game. “Take this punishment or I stop being in charge,” strikes terror into a guy who finally got his wife to do FLR. That’s the strongest evidence it’s a game.
I’m not saying FLR is frivolous. FLR and its partner Domestic Discipline (DD) can be useful tools for improving relationships. Consistent, judicious application of a paddle can even correct some behavioral problems. Games can be useful.
It makes no sense to deny the true nature of FLR. For one thing, a woman is far more likely to want to play a game, even one as engrossing as FLR, than she is to agree to a vague lifestyle change. Concepts like DD are much easier to accept if she believes the man she loves wants, or even needs it.
As Mrs. Lion and I have learned, what started out as activities Mrs. Lion performed because she knew they made me happy, have evolved into parts of our marriage. Neither of us gives a thought to the fact that Mrs. Lion punishes me. She may have started out doing it because I asked her to do it, but now it is something we both accept and expect. She would be deeply shocked if I refused to let her spank me. I can’t picture myself ever doing that. Sometimes the game turns into something much more.
Listen to this post.