Most movies need a writer and director. Together they create and bring to life a story we can enjoy on the big screen. We don’t generally think of our lives in those terms; life is something that just happens. Yes, we make plans that sometimes work or fail, but they are just plot elements in the movies of our lives. We can do things that will change our individual story; things like getting more education, changing jobs, marriage, divorce, kids. They have profound effects on our film, but we can’t predict what those effects will be.
When we want to initiate a power exchange like enforced chastity, we can’t just decide to do it. It isn’t as easy as changing jobs or even having a baby. You can’t just decide to start and then experience the change. If it were that easy, all you would have to do is buy a chastity device and ask your partner to lock you up. The rest would just happen. It’s also true of a female led relationship. You can’t just say, “I’m in charge now,” or more accurately, “Sweetie, you’re the boss now.” That’s unlikely to succeed.
When I asked Mrs. Lion to lock me in a chastity device, I had much more in mind than just spending the rest of my life with my penis in a cage. I had written a mental story that included teasing, dramatic denial scenes, and many other plot details. The same was true of my request for us to have a female led relationship with domestic discipline. I visualized changes in our lives that featured Mrs. Lion as the dominant partner.
In movie terms, the male is the writer of the enforced chastity or female led relationship screenplay. The keyholder/disciplining wife is the director. If you were making a movie, you wouldn’t hire a director and then say, “Make me a movie about a bank robbery.” The results would be uncertain at best. Chances are that the director would refuse the job because there was no screenplay for her to direct. You can see where this metaphor is going. The dominant partner needs information before being able to make the movie you want to star in. But, as in movies, the director will not accept the screenwriter directing the actors.
In the BDSM world, dominant/submissive interactions are called scenes. This theatrical allusion isn’t accidental. The idea is that the top and bottom negotiate before starting. This negotiation is a conversation that leads to an outline of what they will do.
Full-time power exchanges like enforced chastity or female led relationships need the same sort of plot outline. I know what you’re thinking. This isn’t what I want at all. I want her to take control. I don’t want to be the invisible puppeteer pulling the strings. Of course not. But you are proposing something that is new to her. How does she discover what story she is being asked to direct?
Many guys point their partners to various websites and blogs like this one. There’s a lot of information, good and bad, out there. But what’s missing is her motivation to do this research. Like it or not, you are the screenwriter in your submissive movie. In the beginning, at least, your partner needs a story line and plot twists to begin directing your film.
Hopefully, your script isn’t too detailed, but it has enough information to get her started. How do you know if you are on the right track? Well, in the movie business the director, producer, and writer view “dailies,” the material filmed each day. As they watch the product of the day’s work, they comment about how to improve or change things the next day.
You can do the same thing. Set a specific day (or two) and time each week to review what happened in your day-to-day filming. Each of you comments on what worked and what didn’t. This is the time for you, the screenwriter, to offer ideas to improve your film. Your director can ask you questions and, most importantly, let you know when she doesn’t need your help with that part of the plot.
Mrs. Lion and I frequently use our blog as a way to communicate this information. Check it out. There is a lot of communication about what we think works and what doesn’t. I provide ideas. She reacts to them. Very frequently we agree here on something we want to do or try. Just as frequently, we don’t actually do it for some time. The conversations are input for Mrs. Lion. While I like to assume that once she says she wants to try something, it will happen right away, it’s almost never what she has in mind.
As the production of the film continues, the writer remains involved. He usually has less and less input as the director takes ownership. I think that’s how enforced chastity and female led relationships work as well. My input is still accepted, but I have less and less impact on what actually happens to me. That’s show business.