We have gotten some very interesting comments in response to my post about punishment. A key theme in these comments is the emotional effect that physical punishment has on both the disciplining wife and the disciplined male. Based on the comments to my post, I think that it is emotionally more difficult for the disciplining wife than it is for her target.
It seems to me that we are running headlong into some fairly strong conditioning when the male is disciplined by his female partner. Unlike the BDSM scenario where spankings are requested and administered as part of play, the punishment spanking is not requested and is designed to be a painful, unpleasant experience. It’s behavior-changing punishment.
There is something very stark about a wife spanking her husband. He’s a grown man who, regardless of his desire to submit or not, is an object of love and respect to her. There is no dignity in receiving a spanking. It’s a physical violation that is both humiliating and painful. At least that’s how it appears many wives see it when they start out. It’s bad enough to see your husband in pain. It’s far worse to be the one who intentionally put him there. No wonder it is so hard to begin punishing your partner.
Ironically, as the recipient of the punishment, I don’t feel that the discipline is out of place. I just hate the pain and the realization I did something wrong. I don’t question the fairness or justice in what I am receiving. Intellectually, I think I should. But in reality, I don’t. I just want it to stop. I get angry that she keeps hurting me. I want to run away. I yell and growl. But I am not hurting emotionally. I’m actually feeling good that my lioness is using the control I surrendered to her. When the spanking is done I feel that the slate is clean. My butt is burning, but my heart is lighter.
It seems, based on the comments, that the act of punishing saddens and hurts the punisher. Mrs. Lion assures me that these feelings are temporary. 2.0 feels absolutely fine about making me scream in pain. 1.0 still cringes. Punishing someone you love takes something out of you. Our disciplining wives need to have that something replaced. Mrs. Lion’s rule about thanking her for punishing me makes a lot of sense. I’m letting her know that her discipline is a gift that ultimately helps me and brings us closer together.
I believe that supervising and correcting errors with punishment will ultimately bring us even closer together. For one thing, Mrs. Lion is much more aware of me and what I am doing. She is correcting me firmly as needed. We both know it is way easier to ignore infractions or punish them with a few gentle swats. It’s far more difficult to observe my behavior and the provide strong punishment when I commit an offense.
The correction, if real and not just a few play swats, will make me far more aware of myself and how I affect her. Strong punishment is a deterrent that will teach me to form good habits and behave the way I should. It’s not that any of us disciplined husbands have major behavioral issues that need firm correction. Chances are good that the infractions are pretty small, but can be annoying. The benefit isn’t so much in training me to not interrupt as it is in providing me with the understanding that my lioness cares how I behave and will assure that I will learn to be a better lion and husband.
It’s true that the improvements will be small to an outside observer. But each change I make shows Mrs. Lion that I respect her and what she wants. It shows that the time and effort it takes to observe and correct me isn’t wasted. As a result, we become closer. Our domestic disciplinary roles require that we pay the closest attention to each other. Failure on my part will result in a very painful visit with her paddle. Failure on her part will make her feel guilty that she isn’t doing her job. On the other hand, success will give each of us a sense of satisfaction and a stronger connection that comes from the strength a power exchange can provide.
I want to thank pcguy for his very kind post on his blog, The Thrill of the Chaste. We appreciate his mention of our Huffington Post interview. I am e a fan of his blog. His posts are both interesting and amusing.