How Can A Man…

This is the kind of reaction people have when they hear about FLR or enforced chastity.Photo by Petr Kratochvil
Photo by Petr Kratochvil
This is the kind of reaction people have when they hear about FLR or enforced chastity.

I regularly get emails and comments that start out with, “How can a man…”, or if less polite, “How can you…” These questions invariably wonder how a normal, heterosexual man can:

  1. Allow his wife to decide if and when he has an orgasm
  2. Let her punish him, even spank him
  3. Wear a chastity device that restricts access to his penis
  4. Obey his wife like a child obeys his mother

There are more, but you get the idea. Apparently, there are certain standards a male has to meet in order to be a real “man”. Just yesterday, I got this comment in response to the “Ruined Orgasm” post (I’m only quoting part of it):

“Wow. Are you really THAT stupid? This is passive-aggressive jealousy at its absolute worst. You’re jealous because you think a woman’s capacity for pleasure is infinitely more than a man’s. Wake up, be a man, take some action…”

This is one of the more extreme comments. I’m clearly not a “man” in his eyes. The subtext, not too subtle, is that a real man doesn’t let a mere woman control him. This guy stuck to sex. Others make much broader attacks. They all come down to wondering why a man would allow a woman to control any part of him. About half of the people taking this position are female. They seem particularly offended by my surrender of  any control to my lioness.

This isn’t too surprising. Even in the twenty-first century, a lot of people are upset when they see any sort of female control in a relationship. They don’t complain if the man is in charge. They may be critical if his authority is abusive, but there is no challenge of this traditional male role.

I’m not trying to reopen the feminist debates of the last century. I recognize that FLR and enforced chastity are outside of even enlightened norms. I don’t expect people to get excited and decide to practice enforced chastity or FLR, but I do expect understanding, or at least acceptance that what we do is weird but not a sin against the deity.

I’m tempted to justify our practices, but I won’t. The reason we do what we do is well documented in our posts. Each and every thing we do is consensual and mutually agree. Mrs. Lion, even 2.0 and I have an egalitarian relationship. While I have surrendered power to her, she chooses to continue our tradition of consensus on things that affect us both.

So, yes she can punish me. Yes, she can prevent me from having an orgasm for as long as she wants. Yes, she can make and enforce any rule she wants without my agreement. She can make me wear a diaper, paint my toenails, and make me wear frilly panties if she wants. She can do all of this because we agreed that all of this and more is OK.

Our mariage is based on trust and love. Whatever our reasons, we have found that our marriage is flourishing under these “kinky” practices. I’m not always happy with what she does to me or makes me do, but I am delighted with our renewed intimacy and continuing love. It’s true that most of this kinky stuff is sexually arousing to me. It’s also true that I suggested most of what we do. But it isn’t all happening to please me. It may have started that way, but now Mrs. Lion has taken over and what happens may or may not make me happy, but it fits the way we choose to define our relationship.

That means I know I will not always be happy or aroused by her decisions or actions. That’s already happening. But I am happy that she has my leash firmly in hand. I like to have my own way. I know that. I’m aggressive and pretty much a type “A” personality. That makes taking control more difficult for my lioness, even though I asked her to do this in the first place.



  1. Author

    It amazes me every day how judgmental people can be. I commend you BOTH for putting this information out there as it has inspired my husband and I to step into a FLM. For us, the power exchange is a relief in a lot of ways. He is your typical in control – manly man, if you will and I am the passive here to serve wife. It was working. We – I should say HE wanted a little kink in our lives. Your blog posts made us BOTH realize in a very short amount of time how this would actually suit us daily. It became another way we can express our love and devotion to one another. I commend you both and look forward to every post. It gives us direction on unfamiliar territory. We both enjoy getting to read a piece of your thoughts. People are so closed minded. Eagerly looking forward to the next post!

    1. Author

      Thank you for your good thoughts. Mrs. Lion and I are constantly amazed how this power exchange improved our lives.Good luck in your FLM. I wonder if he will be in a chastity device before long. 🙂

      1. Author

        Aaacccctually….that’s kind of what started it! Unfortunately though, we had to kind of pause on the chastity because of fitting issues. Believe me when I tell you I found an alternative in the mean time…until a replacement – more perminant device is found. I loved both your posts on how it has become as sacred as your vows to one another. You guys are really inspiring and offer a very intelligent and thought out perspective.

  2. Author

    You guys figured out a path that works for you, and it takes balls to blog about it. I’m impressed.

  3. Author

    I’m curious what ‘alternative’ 1.5 found is. Would she perhaps tell us?

    1. Author

      Well, collardmichael…panties…thigh highs and garters. His “underwear” have disappeared.

      1. Author

        How does putting him in women’s undies work to substitute for enforced chastity?

        1. Author

          It is certainly NOT on the same level, however, it does serve as a constant reminder of his position. It’s a go-to until his chastity is replaced.

          1. Author

            It’s working as well as it could. He’s not allowed to take them off unless I say. I would prefer him in chastity. I had no idea how difficult it would be to find the ‘perfect one’. We’re still new to this so we’re experimenting. I never expected this to take off for us like it has, but it has been amazing for both of us.

          2. Author

            Interesting rule. Mrs. Lion hasn’t considered that yet as far as I know.

          3. Author

            I wait on pins and needles to see what she comes up with every time. I would love to pick her brain for ideas and how to overcome some hurdles myself.

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