I regularly get emails and comments that start out with, “How can a man…”, or if less polite, “How can you…” These questions invariably wonder how a normal, heterosexual man can:
- Allow his wife to decide if and when he has an orgasm
- Let her punish him, even spank him
- Wear a chastity device that restricts access to his penis
- Obey his wife like a child obeys his mother
There are more, but you get the idea. Apparently, there are certain standards a male has to meet in order to be a real “man”. Just yesterday, I got this comment in response to the “Ruined Orgasm” post (I’m only quoting part of it):
“Wow. Are you really THAT stupid? This is passive-aggressive jealousy at its absolute worst. You’re jealous because you think a woman’s capacity for pleasure is infinitely more than a man’s. Wake up, be a man, take some action…”
This is one of the more extreme comments. I’m clearly not a “man” in his eyes. The subtext, not too subtle, is that a real man doesn’t let a mere woman control him. This guy stuck to sex. Others make much broader attacks. They all come down to wondering why a man would allow a woman to control any part of him. About half of the people taking this position are female. They seem particularly offended by my surrender of any control to my lioness.
This isn’t too surprising. Even in the twenty-first century, a lot of people are upset when they see any sort of female control in a relationship. They don’t complain if the man is in charge. They may be critical if his authority is abusive, but there is no challenge of this traditional male role.
I’m not trying to reopen the feminist debates of the last century. I recognize that FLR and enforced chastity are outside of even enlightened norms. I don’t expect people to get excited and decide to practice enforced chastity or FLR, but I do expect understanding, or at least acceptance that what we do is weird but not a sin against the deity.
I’m tempted to justify our practices, but I won’t. The reason we do what we do is well documented in our posts. Each and every thing we do is consensual and mutually agree. Mrs. Lion, even 2.0 and I have an egalitarian relationship. While I have surrendered power to her, she chooses to continue our tradition of consensus on things that affect us both.
So, yes she can punish me. Yes, she can prevent me from having an orgasm for as long as she wants. Yes, she can make and enforce any rule she wants without my agreement. She can make me wear a diaper, paint my toenails, and make me wear frilly panties if she wants. She can do all of this because we agreed that all of this and more is OK.
Our mariage is based on trust and love. Whatever our reasons, we have found that our marriage is flourishing under these “kinky” practices. I’m not always happy with what she does to me or makes me do, but I am delighted with our renewed intimacy and continuing love. It’s true that most of this kinky stuff is sexually arousing to me. It’s also true that I suggested most of what we do. But it isn’t all happening to please me. It may have started that way, but now Mrs. Lion has taken over and what happens may or may not make me happy, but it fits the way we choose to define our relationship.
That means I know I will not always be happy or aroused by her decisions or actions. That’s already happening. But I am happy that she has my leash firmly in hand. I like to have my own way. I know that. I’m aggressive and pretty much a type “A” personality. That makes taking control more difficult for my lioness, even though I asked her to do this in the first place.