How To Introduce Enforced Chastity To Your Partner

Today is the day the Huffington Post releases it’s podcast of our interview. Here is a link to it.  I’m not sure what time it will show up, but I am told it will be there today. We’re both excited that enforced chastity will be exposed to such a mainstream audience.

Among the relatively small number of people who have heard of enforced male chastity, there are a lot of misunderstandings about what it is and how it works. Ironically, among the most uniformed are guys who want to start this practice I’m making this generalization based on years of reading chastity forums and blogs. I think that the reason there is so much misinformation out there is due to the fantasies that drive most of us to want to try being caged.

Most of the fantasies center around a male transformation driven by withheld orgasm. Lock up his penis and the more he misses sex, the more submissive he will become. He will also be driven to provide his keyholder with endless, selfless sexual pleasures. He will learn to get his sexual pleasure by giving orgasms to his keyholder instead of having them himself. That’s how the typical fantasy goes.

Thee may be some truth in this for some guys. But I’m pretty sure that describing this fantasy to a potential keyholder isn’t going to seal the deal. At the risk of being completely wrong, I’m going to try to put myself in the position of a potential keyholder who is being told of the “benefits” of locking up her partner.

Being locked up will make me focus on giving you orgasms. Oh, yeah? You mean you haven’t been focused on that before? I have to lock up your penis for you to care about pleasing me? You mean you won’t do that now?

Locking me up and not letting me orgasm will make me docile and submissive. Really? This is the fantasy, but is there really any magic in being horny that makes you an obedient puppy. The fantasy is that the desperation will make you willing to do anything to get an orgasm. That, in my experience, is only partly true. I am much more agreeable when trying to assure that my lioness will let me get off, but I haven’t turned to mush.

Even if you assume that you will indeed become sweet and submissive, is this really what your potential keyholder wants? Has she indicated that she wants to be in charge and wants you to submit to her? Chances are she hasn’t.

If you think about it, you are asking her to do two things: lock you up and control your orgasms, and also be dominant with you. Moreover, you are asking her to do this full time! That’s a lot to spring on someone. No wonder so many guys have a problem finding a keyholder.

This way may work!
Think about this from her point of view. Perhaps you could simply explain that enforced male chastity turns you on. Show her our page on “How To Cage Your Man”. Of course, you should read it first. The key is to limit your conversation to you wearing a chastity device and she holds the key. Her role is to decide when you get an orgasm and how you get it. That’s it; end of story. Start out that way and then see how things flow. The one constant in enforced chastity is that it takes time to establish. The simpler you make it to start, the more likely it will become part of your life. Don’t expect things to go smoothly from the beginning. It will be much more difficult for you than you imagine. Whatever you do, don’t put your issues with being locked up on your keyholder. She has a lot to learn too.

Good luck!

1 Comment

  1. Author

    I had a difficult time asking my wife about this. We have a rich sex life and are pretty open, but this was something a little different. Eventually I found a contract I liked and showed it to her and asked her to read it. Then we talked about it before we gave it a try. She thanked me for the contract–we already had a couple of devices that I was wearing intermittently with her consent. The contract filled in a lot of question marks for her. I’m still not sure she’s sold on it, but time will tell.

What do you think?