It’s pretty clear that my ego and sex drive are tightly bound together. If I don’t feel very good about myself, I don’t want sex. With or without my Jail Bird, I don’t want stimulation right now. But I do want the chastity device. It is a powerful symbol of a commitment Mrs. Lion and I have made. Like my wedding ring, it offers some comfort even in tough times. I realize that I’m not firing on all cylinders. That just makes things worse. But I do believe things will get better.
All this moping did give me an insight: Men who want to start enforced chastity frequently do so because of sexual issues that were making them unhappy. Let me explain. Time and time again, people posting to enforced chastity forums tell a similar story: For some reason his sex life was unsatisfactory. His wife’s libido was much less than his, the family pressures took her away from him and there was a growing distance. Reading about enforced chastity was a turn on. It became sexy to be denied. Then, as most tell it, he ordered a device and told his wife about it. In the posts I read, she agrees to lock him up. He reports that sex improved after lockup. This is quite a paradox.
As Mrs. Lion and I have reported, our story isn’t very different. We had lost a sexual connection. Mrs. Lion’s libido is very low. I got turned on thinking about enforced chastity. I asked if we could try it. We did and we both feel a very good sexual connection. I have a theory about this. In cases like ours, pre-enforced chastity, it was easy to forget that there were unsatisfied needs. The woman who had huge family pressure, young kids, a tough job, or just a loss of libido simply “forgot” that the guy sleeping next to her was seriously frustrated. He withdrew because he perceived her lack of interest as rejection. This turned into a vicious circle of withdrawal and perceived rejection.
Enter enforced chastity. Now both partners have to discuss sex. She can’t simply forget he is frustrated. She has the only key that will permit access to his penis. She is aware that one way or another, she has to consider his sexual needs in an active way. He is constantly aware that she is the one and only way he can get sexual release. He can’t masturbate, or even get hard. This forces him to communicate about sex with his wife.
Of course the key to the improvement is not the chastity device; it’s the improved communication. That little cage is a sexual communication magnet. Just try to ignore it. His hormones won’t let him. Her sense of responsibility and love keeps her mind on that key she holds. The result is that both partners communicate about sex. Some useful compromise is reached that provides him with satisfaction and her with a sense of connection.
It always doesn’t work this way. Most of the time his fantasies or her disinterest prevent the process from starting. But when he is aware that the reality of enforced chastity isn’t the same as his fantasies, and she realizes that his desire to be locked up represents a real effort for sexual connection, the communications flow and both people are happier. At least that’s what happened to us. It’s why we have no intention of ever stopping.
Thank you, my dearest lioness.