The thing about enforced male chastity and other kinks that go over a long time is that excitement is maintained by change; by increasing the challenge to the caged male. Obviously, there is only so much a keyholder can do to make things more “interesting”. She can increase wait times, but there are limits there too. She can add rules and extend waits if they are broken. She can tease him to increase his desire for release when he finally is permitted to ejaculate.
These activities are the stock in trade of the keyholder. How they are applied is, of course, an individual choice. There is a lot of room for variety that will keep any caged male engaged. But at some point it isn’t enough. That point can be when the keyholder just doesn’t want to find more things to do to her man. Or it can be when he starts losing interest. One of the most difficult topping skills is understanding how to avoid these problems.
Varying wait times is an excellent way to keep things interesting. Be sure to avoid letting your man control this. Another issue with long term play is that a subtle, almost-non-verbal, form of topping from the bottom can occur. This isn’t a conscious act by the bottom, it just evolves. Neither of you might notice it is going on. Be sure that you, the keyholder, is making the choices. Consciously avoid being influenced by his reactions. This is important because he will become unhappy and not know why if you pick up his subtle clues and then follow them. Control is a funny thing. It works at many levels in both top and bottom. Sometimes, these little subconscious actions will ruin things for both of you. Also, the longer you do something, the stronger the effects of these little subtle clues get.
There’s something that I know works wonders on me: words. Simple things like, “Good boy.” when I do something correctly gives me a tingle. “Good job!” when I produce pre-cum or semen also has a magical effect. Both essentially take ownership of what I have done. That, I think, is the key to saying hot things to me. Expressions that overtly or indirectly refer to Mrs. Lion’s ownership of me are huge turn-on’s. The most powerful word is, “No.” That is the ultimate expression of control. Ironically, Mrs. Lion told me that she has a problem with these expressions. It’s probably because she understands the real meaning to me.
Obviously, I am writing what I think works for me. Isn’t that breaking the rule that I shouldn’t control things? It can be. Of course, it could just be input that Mrs. Lion can use or not as she chooses. Or, she can take note and then bend them to fit her idea of what she should do with me.
I’m at one of those times when my libido is low and there are external stresses in my life. It’s very difficult for me to pay a lot of attention to my enforced chastity. Mrs. Lion has been very good about giving me some extra space. In a previous post she talked about whether doing this (giving me space) is a good idea. I am still unsure more space is the best thing for me. This could be a time I need more structure to offset the somewhat random situations that are stressing me.
I know that Mrs. Lion tends toward inaction. So far my leash has been looser. She’s been under the weather and not in the best shape to tighten things up. I don’t know which would be the best way to handle me. Am I better off with more space? Would emphasizing my role help me deal with the other stuff? I don’t know. Good thing I’m not in control.
This morning, another blog published a post that is the woman’s point of view on this very topic; a very different take. It’s a bit quirky and difficult to read, but it makes some critically important points about a D/S relationship. Take a look. It’s here.