Enforced male chastity is a kink that I think is misunderstood by the very people who want to try it. It’s a lot like eating semen. That can seem like an incredibly exciting thing to be made to do. But then you ejaculate. Suddenly, it is the grossest, most disgusting thing in the world. In the space of a few seconds something has gone from arousing to horrid. For a lot of guys, the same thing happens when they go from anticipating being locked up to living with it every day. It doesn’t happen immediately. For some it happens a few days after being locked. There they are unable to touch or play with their cocks. Their keyholders haven’t even talked about the lockup. That’s not the way it’s supposed to go, is it? Really, is it? All those fantasies featured lots of sex for their keyholders and lots of teasing for them. It’s not working out. This can’t be right. Can it?
Did you spend much time talking abut enforced chastity and what you want? Or, did you show her the chastity device and asked her to hold the keys? Did you have to convince her to do this? Does she really understand how it works? Chances are very good that you didn’t discuss exactly what you thought was involved. So, she thought that what you want is to have her lock you up and hold the key. Period.
Enforced chastity is a power exchange. You are surrendering power to your keyholder. That doesn’t mean you are scripting a sexual adventure that features your cock locked in a chastity device. Before starting there needs to be a negotiation. A what? A negotiation. But that wasn’t in the fantasy. My wife takes charge of my sexual activities and I provide her with excellent orgasms. There is nothing there about negotiating. Negotiating what?
I don’t know anyone who has a successful enforced chastity relationship who didn’t negotiate exactly how it would work. Negotiating is not a one-shot deal. It’s a process that takes time. I don’t think any of us really understands how enforced chastity works in our lives until we actually start. To be successful it is necessary to negotiate, not once, twice, or even three times, but to communicate many times until you both find a comfortable way to live with this power exchange.
Negotiation in a BDSM context usually covers what will happen in a scene lasting a few hours. Enforced chastity, by definition, is a long term power exchange. It has to be handled differently. This is a process. When we started, Mrs. Lion understood that I wanted to be locked up and prevented from orgasms. She knew I wanted regular teasing. That was about all. At the same time I started this blog. In the beginning, Mrs. Lion read but didn’t contribute. My writing gave her insights into what I want and how I viewed my enforced chastity. She used that information to adjust how she handled me. Later, she began to write too. Our conversations with you also helped us understand each other.
I’m not suggesting that you start a blog in order to negotiate your enforced chastity. I am suggesting that you and your keyholder or prospective keyholder begin an email correspondence. Write every single day how you are doing, what you would like that might make it better, and what you don’t like. She should do the same. The emails do not mean things will change. They will open a channel of communication that will let the power exchange grow and flourish.
In the beginning, Mrs. Lion essentially did what I wanted her to do. Over the last year, my input is still important but is no longer driving how things work. She listens to me. I hope she always will. But she doesn’t take my wishes as her marching orders. Her control grows constantly. Sometimes I know she feels things are going too fast. When they do, she slows down. She is in charge. I still have input. As time goes by, my input will have less and less influence over what we do. That’s how I want it. I guess she will give me my way in that respect.