Who’s Training Who?

Today I’ve been wondering who is training who. Yes, I locked Lion up. Yes, I agreed to make him wait for orgasms. Yes, I agreed to make rules and punish him if he breaks them. But who is really changing here?

Lion wants me to have the power. He wants me to keep him locked and unable to have any sexual satisfaction unless I give it to him. He wants me to tease him and deny him. He wants me to give him punishments and rewards. He’s been thinking about these things for years. He’s lusted after a sore bottom. True, he doesn’t really know how he’ll handle it when I start whomping on him when he forgets to do X. He may hate me for the few minutes it takes for me to whomp him. And the few hours it takes for the stinging to stop. But he wants it.

Here I am, minding my own business, and Lion asks if I will cage him and punish him. Why would I want him caged? Why would I want to punish him? Why would I want to be in charge? I hated punishing my kids. I didn’t much like being in charge at work. I was fine the way it was. Well, maybe not fine. We weren’t having any sex. Actually I was having all the sex I wanted. None. But Lion wasn’t having sex. He’s said in the past that he can stop being kinky if I don’t want to do it anymore. I think he knows that’s not true. He can’t just turn it off like that.

I would argue that even though he has had to get used to having Mr. Weenie locked away, I have done the most changing. And now we’re changing again. (Have I mentioned I hate change? It’s frustrating.) Now I am more in charge. He even wanted me to choose what we watched on tv last night. As long as it’s something we both like I don’t care what we watch. Nope. I had to choose. He realized he forgot to take his medicine again. He’s been preoccupied with his job search. I think it’s understandable to forget things. Nope. It had to go on the list so I can punish him for it.

Sometimes I think having more power is actually less powerful. I’m a slave to this rule or that rule or this expectation. I wonder how many people want to become president only to realize that the president doesn’t have nearly as much power as they thought. There are still rules you have to follow. I’m happy with my little life. I have no aspirations to be powerful.

I know a lot of these feelings are because domestic discipline is so new to us. Once we get going it will be less of a hassle. I hope.


  1. Author

    Mrs Lion,

    If it helps, you’re not alone in feeling this way. I’ve been through my own version of “What do you mean, this is about ME? It feels like it’s about YOU!” So your words very much hit home.

    And if you would like a resource blog from a woman’s point of view – a woman who is not, by nature, “kinky” and who had to deal with the rollercoaster of kinky change in her own marriage (though they don’t do chastity, he is orgasm controlled) – I highly recommend my friend Serendipity’s blog: thesuburbandomme.com

    Also, if you ever want to chat (about life or kink or pets or the weather or whatever), I would love to hear from you. You can email me any time.

    I always appreciate women who keep it real. You strike me as someone who does too. 🙂

  2. Author

    A nice punishment for domestic discipline is to simply tell him if he doesn’t do what he is supposed to, you’ll quit playing that game. If he wants to be punished, just punish him regularly for making the sacrafices you have made for him. Sounds like he wants to be paddled, so is that really a punishment? Make the punishment something he REALLY won’t like. Like, if you are tired of him nagging you about him being punished or demanding you choose what to watch, tell him to take off his chastity cage, forget about sex and teasing for a week or two. He is obviously the one in charge.

  3. Author

    I am often criticized when I post that I top from the bottom initially. How else are my girls going to know what to do and what I like. I respond to so many guys who lament that they cannot find a Mistress or KH, that they only need to find a woman open to try new sexual things. From there you can introduce them gradually to your fetish. Don’t hand them a whip and tell them to make you bleed. 🙂

    I start off with the vanilla BDSM stuff. Cuffs, spanking, blindfolds, etc.. Over time we move to CBT and harder pain play. I make sure to act a little to show them how much I enjoy what they are doing. For instance, the first time my wife caned my butt and left welts, she freaked out. I took pictures of it and told her how it tingles when I sit down and makes me think of her. I showed her how fast it healed and even posted a picture on the net and showed her all the good comments her caning got due to the design of the stripes.

    Now she wants to mark me. I always ask women if they are ready to take charge of the fetish and when they say yes, I turn over control to them. This has worked for me over the last 45 years. I have done pretty much every fetish on Fetlife. All you need is a willing partner and be a good teacher. And to heck with those who condemn me for topping from the bottom as there are no rules, just enjoyment.

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