icy hot to rub into balls
Lion should learn to leave well enough alone. If he unlocks himself without a documented emergency, he gets swats, an extra week of waiting, and big dollop of this rubbed into his tender balls.

Lion wants consequences for escaping or unlocking himself when there is no emergency. I decided if he has a true emergency, he should be able to prove it. I don’t think it’s asking too much for emergency room discharge notes or something like that. In absence of proof I told him he would have his wait time extended by a week. Lion suggested a week was too short for such a serious offense. Excuse me? Are you questioning my decision? I mean, what does he want from me?

I responded by saying that it would not be a week. It would be 20 hard swats with the rough side of the mean paddle and Icy Hot on his balls. I thought that would shut him up. Nope. He asked if that was in addition to the week.

In the immortal words of Kenny Rogers: You got to know when to hold ’em. Know when to fold ’em. Know when to walk away. And know when to run. Well, Lion didn’t listen to Kenny. He went all in. Now he gets 20 hard swats with the rough side of the mean paddle, Icy Hot on his balls (a big old dollop, rubbed all over), and a week added to his wait time. Poor boy. But the good news is that he can avoid it if he just stays caged like a good boy unless he has an emergency he can prove.

Something tells me he’ll try to test this punishment. Listen to Kenny, Lion. Listen to Kenny.

[Lion — As Ralph Kramden used to say, “I have a BIIIIIIG mouth!]