Sunday night, the night after my orgasm, I was restless and decidedly horny. This suprised Mrs. Lion who expected me to be a mellow, docile lion with no sex at all on my mind. I’ve noticed in the past that the day after I come, I am almost as horny as I was the day before. I can’t explain it, but I suspect that I am not alone. Last night, Mrs. Lion teased me I begged her to do it and accidentally gave me a ruined orgasm. Now, on Monday, I feel the way she thought I should on Sunday; mellow and docile.
If I’ve learned anything from our blog, Mrs. Lion and I have miscommunications more often than I imagined. I guess it shouldn’t be surprising, especially with a topic related to sex. Our chastity activities seem to magnify issues that probably existed earlier. A good example is the orgasm coupon Mrs. Lion gave me last week. As you can read in our posts over the last couple of days, we had very different ideas about how to understand the coupon and my reaction to receiving it. As you may recall, I had expressed some discomfort with the coupon since it made me feel that I was back in control. When I used it almost immediately, Mrs. Lion reacted by thinking that I gave in to my need for an orgasm, and did so very quickly.
I’ve learned something important. In transactions like this, or anything where there is a chance that there will be a misunderstanding, we need to make sure we are both on the same page. I should have asked Mrs. Lion to explain what her thinking was, beyond giving me a reward, when she issued the orgasm coupon. She should have discussed why I cashed it in.
Maybe I am over-thinking this. It isn’t, after all, a major issue in our lives or marriage. But I think it may reveal something we need to work on. Even though we have been at this for over nine months, I still have a lot to learn. One of the key things is getting a better understanding of what I expect and what Mrs. Lion expects from me.
She’s made it very clear that her objective is to make me happy. I am grateful for that. The challenge is how making me happy relates to doing things that I absolutely don’t want and are guaranteed to make me unhappy, at least in the short term. Based on my reading, we are not alone in this.
For example, I am very happy Mrs. Lion has taken charge. I absolutely hate that I have to wait twenty-one days to come. I was desperate this weekend. Mrs. Lion reacted to that and rewarded me with the now-infamous orgasm. She did it, she said, to give me a way to get relief if things got too bad. That is a truly loving thing to do for me. I’m sure in her mind she saw it that way. I can’t argue with those motives.
Since she is doing this for me and not for her own pleasure, it makes perfect sense to design the experience in a way that will “please” me the most. If, on the other hand, she also saw this as a chance to exercise control and play with me and train me, she might approach things a bit differently. It comes down to a value proposition: If the goal is to please me, then she would want to push me, but only as far as I wanted to be pushed. If, on the other hand, she was finding the game fun in its own right, she would want to make me go well past what I want and have me learn to find pleasure in different ways, like giving her sexual pleasure.
But that’s not how things are working right now. For one thing, Mrs. Lion wants a lot less sexual pleasure than I want to provide. So that area of “improvement” isn’t open. Either I don’t have that many behavioral issues that Mrs. Lion would like to see me change or she doesn’t want to address them. Another area for change is off the table. It’s true I do have some rules and I do break them occasionally. But I truly do my best to be good and not displease her.
On my side, I worry that if I grumble too much or express how frustrated I am, that Mrs. Lion will simply give in and give me the pleasure I am missing. So far she as done that. Is it wrong? No, it certainly isn’t. In the context of our enforced chastity being for my pleasure, it is probably very sensible. Unfortunately, it isn’t what I want.
I realize that today, after a full orgasm on Saturday and a ruined one last night, it’s pretty easy for me to say that I want Mrs. Lion to be stricter. On Saturday afternoon, after 11 days of waiting, that would be the last thing I wanted. I’m starting to realize that as much as I like the idea, I am the last person to decide what is best for me. I’m not even sure what I really want other than wanting to surrender sexual and behavioral control .
I feel great today. My hormones are back in balance. I’m not thinking about sex constantly. I’m bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. But I have a nagging feeling that I have done something wrong. That feeling, I think, may be from my sense that I took back control when I was so desperate and got the immediate satisfaction I wanted. I took advantage of Mrs. Lion’s generous nature, so now I feel guilty. Maybe there is no way to really make me happy.