How do I get my husband to understand that I can be burned out in general but not specifically about sex for him? Since I don’t want sex for myself, he seems to think that doing anything sexual for him is a chore. I work full time, take care of most of the actual tasks, and care for a rambunctious puppy. Stress at work has been higher than usual. Working from home has helped with some stress because I’m not constantly hearing the gossip and complaints. I am the only one who can do my job and the end of the year is particularly hectic. We’ve also had a change of ownership and added pressure to do things the “improved” way. The computer system will change in a few months, and I think they underestimate how difficult this change will be for everyone.

By the time I am done with my job, the dog, the chores, and taking care of my basic needs, there is little energy left for much else. My husband thinks if I wanted sex, I’d find the energy as if I’m hiding it somewhere. His sex drive is that of a younger man. As such, he’d like attention every night. Our relationship is not conventional, so attention does not necessarily mean an orgasm for him. I am in charge when it comes to sex. He says he wants me to decide when and how things happen. Clearly, “not tonight, dear” isn’t something he wants me to decide. To make matters a little more difficult, we both seem prone to stomach issues, which can quickly turn an otherwise “go” night into a “no go” night.

Despite his penchant for taking naps frequently, his sexual clock turns of early in the evening. He asks me to give him attention earlier. This is usually only possible on the weekends when I try to catch up on all the chores that I didn’t get to during the week. We also run errands then. Sometimes I can eke out some “me” time. My husband is semi-retired and has all the “me” time he cares to have. He doesn’t understand why I need “me” time at all. He claims not to need it. He says he enjoys spending time together. I do, too. However, a little time to oneself is not unusual. It’s a time to unwind. I suppose, if you’re not wound up, there’s no need to unwind. I, unfortunately, am wound up.

In conclusion, I need my husband to understand that sex for him is not a chore and that the timing of this sex may be part of the issue. Please help.

No sex for me is not the problem

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