We’re home for a few days before our next trip. Our focus was definitely not on play. As Mrs. Lion pointed out in a post, FLR was more visible this past weekend. We were out exploring and stopped for lunch. The service was horrible. After waiting over half an hour for a simple lunch, I wanted to leave. Mrs. Lion said, “I’m not leaving.” That meant, of course, I couldn’t leave. I wonder why she didn’t say, “We aren’t leaving?”

She pointed out in her post that I could have left. After all, her statement was just about what she was doing. She knew, of course, I wouldn’t strand her. I think her statement was a kind of baby step. It implied that I had control in the situation too. I could choose to leave. But, it was a declaration in direct opposition to what I said.

I don’t think she wants me to feel that I have no control over my life. I don’t want to speak for her. My interpretation of her style is that she wants me to display respect and obedience, not demand them of me. Some people describe FLR as an authoritarian relationship where the woman is a dictator. This image is featured in hot female-dominant fantasies. But you can’t successfully build a life on that model.

Our marriage is a partnership. We need each other. No matter who’s in charge, we function cooperatively. The problem with being king, or queen, of course is that contrary to the fantasies, the more authority a person holds, the more of her life she has to dedicate to ruling. It takes a lot more energy to be a selfish dictator than to be a partner with the controlling vote. Neither of us want to change our relationship. We want to enhance it. FLR will only work for us as long as it makes us stronger and happier.