Worry Wart

Sometimes Lion is a worry wart. Mostly he worries about me. He thinks he doesn’t make me happy. He thinks I will leave him. He thinks I’ll stop playing with him. He thinks he disappoints me. None of these things is true.

There is a problem, however, when I try to reassure him about disappointing me as far as playing is concerned. Yesterday he was not in the mood for play. I was trying my best to arouse him and when I finally asked about Mr. Weenie’s lack of interest, he finally said he wasn’t in the mood. I wondered why he didn’t tell me. We could have avoided my wondering if I was doing something wrong and his feeling bad for not getting aroused. Clearly we still have some communication issues. When he said he hoped I wasn’t disappointed I wondered why I would be disappointed. Now here’s the problem part. We don’t play for me. We play for him. And when I say that he assumes I’m doing something I don’t want to do and I don’t have any fun. Blah, blah, blah. And I don’t mean it that way. I just mean that I have no expectations, no anticipation that I will be turned on, no goal for myself other than making Lion feel good (or bad depending on the type of play). So the only disappointment I could ever feel is with myself. I didn’t do a good enough job to make him feel good (or bad). But if he tells me ahead of time that it’s basically a waste of time to try to play, then I am forewarned. I could always say, “Too bad. I set this time aside for you and you damn well better enjoy yourself.” But I’m more likely to give him a rain check and try again another time. Do I think I’ve dodged a bullet when he says he’s not in the mood? I’m sure there have probably been times when I wasn’t really in the mood at the same time and was thankful we didn’t play, but I don’t look at it as a chore that needs to be done. Besides, I love “just” snuggling with him.

So, in review, Lion makes me happy. I’m not leaving him. I won’t stop playing with him. He never disappoints me. Any questions? Lion? I didn’t think so.