Yesterday was a full week since I had anything on my discipline list. That means I haven’t received a spanking. I don’t like punishment spankings at all and I am working to avoid them. As it turned out, I did behave rudely Sunday night. She pointed it out in her post yesterday. She didn’t act immediately or ask me to record my infraction. However, my week-long streak ended last night. She mentioned that she should have responded immediately. I agree, but I also believe that instinctively reacting as the authority figure takes a long time to develop. It makes perfect sense that she reacted following an old pattern. It’s very good that she caught herself later and corrected me.
When we began our FLM* we talked about punishment. At that time, we both thought frequent discipline was a good way to reinforce our power exchange. After all, we agreed, frequent punishments would remind us both who is in charge. Regularized activities have worked very well for us in enforced chastity. From the start, Mrs. Lion decided that she would tease me at least every other day. This regularized activity has served us both very well. I think it plays a major part in our success at the chastity power exchange. As it turned out, I did behave rudely Sunday night. She pointed it out in her post yesterday. She didn’t act immediately or ask me to record my infraction. If we didn’t have a scheduled punishment night last night, she probably would have just felt badly that she missed the opportunity to correct me. Since last night was scheduled for punishment, she can “catch up” on that “miss”. How long did it take before teasing became a part of our lives that doesn’t require a lot of thought to initiate?
When we talked about FLM, we both thought that Mrs. Lion would need “reasons” to punish me regularly. I think we both assumed that every punishment day (Monday and Thursday) would have a list of infractions to be corrected. That was true the first few weeks. I was beginning to dread those days. Mrs. Lion is a very effective spanker. My screams were real. She knows how to make it hurt. We were partly right when we thought she would need to consciously find reasons to punish. It isn’t that I am so perfect as a surrendered husband. It’s that she has years of conditioning to avoid confrontation and suppress her anger when I am inappropriate with her. You can read about what happened in her post.
What bothers me is that she sees this as her failure. She failed to do what she should. It isn’t a failure at all. Her reaction last night is a habit. She always puts others first. That’s a virtue, of course, but not when it is at her expense. Stuffing feelings like this will eventually create passive-aggressive behavior and inappropriate responses to later issues. All those angry feelings get stored up. One reason I like the idea of FLM is that it makes us deal with things promptly and completely. The best thing about domestic discipline is that it immediately clears the air and both of us go on with our lives without the burden of stored bad feelings.
It takes time for FLM to take root. The problem is rarely that the surrendered husband won’t stop acting out or refuses discipline. It’s more often, as far as I have seen, that the wife has a lifetime of not expressing her unhappiness and just deferring to others. In the context of Sunday night, the old pattern came out again. Mrs. Lion loves to say, “yes” even at her own expense. Saying, “no”, or “later” is difficult for her. It’s also not easy for me to hear. But it is the right thing for both of us.
My sweet lioness is in no danger of turning into a selfish bitch. That is something neither of us want and she is incapable of becoming. I’m not a spoiled brat, but I can be thoughtless at times. As I see it, FLM and domestic discipline are tools that will help us both become more centered. Mrs. Lion will become more self aware and I will learn to be more aware of her. Like enforced chastity and our every-other-day tease schedule, this may seem a bit artificial. Maybe it is. But this technique has proved effective in helping us change our dynamic in positive ways. We just have to stick with it. Clearly I have lessons to learn.
*FLM Female Led Marriage