Domestic Lions

Thursday night Mrs. Lion gave me an orgasm. I thought she might want to do some lion riding. She lubed me up with silicone lube, which almost always means a lion ride. However, this time she used her hand. I asked if she was planning to ride me. She said she was, but wanted to watch me instead. She meant watch my face as I came. Lube does pose a small problem. She doesn’t want to eat my semen or feed it to me when it has been tainted by lube. So that was wasted. That orgasm made a big change in how I was feeling. Even though it was only five days, I was down and, well, anxious. I remember that when we first started enforced chastity, the fifth day was always when I was the most horny. The sixth tended to be a grumpy day. This time was different, but it was the fifth day. Maybe after five days, something happens inside me. I don’t know; just sayin’.

Mrs. Lion doesn’t work on Fridays and since I don’t work any day right now, we have spent the last few Friday’s just being together most of the time. In January, I bought a Groupon for a six-hour class on barbecue and smoking. We bought a smoker just before I got the Groupon. The first class I could get was Easter Sunday. I really didn’t want to go. Being out of work has made me considerably less social than usual. Mrs. Lion had no interest in going instead of me and she insisted that I go. So, I went.

It turned out to be really cool. I learned a lot. It also turned out that my well-equipped kitchen had almost everything I need to become a competition-grade smoker. So, all I had to buy was a meat injector (looks like a big dentist’s syringe). I could afford that. So, on Thursday I smoked some pork shoulder that we had bought right after we got the smoker. It came out beautifully. In the class, I learned how to do pork ribs and beef brisket. I wanted to try making them. Since money is tight, I didn’t think we could afford to buy the ribs or brisket until I got work. I mentioned on Thursday night that I would love to try one of those when we could afford it. Mrs. Lion said that we could probably manage it it wasn’t too expensive. We also had a $30 gift card at Costco. So yesterday, we went shopping.

The ribs, three full racks, were about $35. The gift card could take care of that. A brisket, which my instructor said would be around $100, turned out to be $65 at Costco. Mrs. Lion said we could buy one. So we left with both ribs and brisket. There are a couple of problems with brisket, however: It weighs about 12 pounds and there is just the two of us and our golden retriever. But I think we can do something nice with the leftovers. The second problem is that brisket is the most difficult meat to successfully prepare. I’m nervous that I will transform $65 worth of meat into smokey cardboard. When we first got the smoker, I bought a small chunk of brisket at the supermarket and it did not fare well.

Part of the course was how to trim the ribs into St. Louis cut and how to trim the fat off of a brisket. The brisket can lose a third of its weight in fat that is trimmed away. It turned out that Costco’s ribs and brisket were fully trimmed. There was no waste at all. So, today I plan to smoke one rack of ribs that we can eat for dinner, and Saturday night and Sunday, prepare the brisket. It takes between 12 and 16 hours to smoke the brisket and then it has to rest for six more hours.

We spent part of the afternoon preparing a rub for all this barbecue. Mrs. Lion, as usual, was a great help. When getting some ice for a drink, the ice maker spit some on the floor that I couldn’t intercept. So, Monday’s punishment session will include some painful reminders that I need to be more careful. Also, Mrs. Lion discovered another mini-flood on the counter. She said that it was my fault when I filled the Keurig coffee maker. I was sure it wasn’t me. The counter was dry after I filled it. We were both in the kitchen preparing lunch when I did the filling and we didn’t see any water. Mrs. Lion reconsidered and I have a reprieve for creating a mess. We both want to understand what caused that little flood.

Yesterday was a nice, vanilla day for us. If it weren’t for the fact that I was naked and had a cage locked around my penis,  you would have thought of us as a typical couple sharing culinary adventures. A regular Ozzie and Harriott. Are you old enough to know who they were?