One of the reasons the scheduled date bothers me is that part of me feels I am letting Lion down by not making him wait. The other part says, “Are you kidding? He’d love to come!” I know I can change my mind any time. I know Lion doesn’t really care about long waits. But it’s just one more example of me not following through when I give him an orgasm early.
I know. It’s all in my head. Isn’t every part of this? I’ve had to wrap my head around punishment, teasing, edging, ruined orgasms. All of it. It stands to reason things get a little muddled.
Lion has made it clear its my decision. I know that. What I need to do is overcome the idea that the date is mocking me. If I don’t care that I’m not waiting then I can do whatever I want. The date is just a suggestion. I don’t need a reason to extend or reduce time. I know it. I just have to believe it.
It seems like I take two steps back for every step forward.