Wait. Don’t Wait.

I think one of the reasons I hate making Lion wait is that I feel like I’ve wasted too much time already. He says he wishes we had met earlier in life and I always tell him we met when we were supposed to meet. But the truth is, we did meet late. Then I wasted time waiting for him to initiate and allowing us to have a dry spell. So why would I want to make him wait now?

Technically I know there’s a difference between the two scenarios. The first was a general ignoring of his needs. This time part of his need is to be controlled, perhaps through denial. But for me it all comes down to the same thing. I feel I’m being mean to him by making him wait. Even if it’s what he wants.

Plus, of course, I love to give him orgasms. I like to see how many different ways I can make him come. Last night’s blow job was long and slow, not much movement at all, lots of tongue, fondling his balls, and then his hips started bucking. I want it to feel good from the beginning and build up to a point that he absolutely needs to come. I want him to wonder why I don’t just go faster and do it already. To me that’s nice torture. I’m not hurting him, but I am in complete control. That’s when it’s fun for me. But any time I give him an orgasm is fun for me.

Last night was day five of his latest wait. Even though it really wasn’t a five day wait. My fault. What can I say? When I need to make him come, I need to make him come. But I didn’t give him another date. Maybe we’ll take turns, as a reader suggested. One time he’ll have a set date and the next will be more fluid. I really like having it be a surprise to him. He won’t know until I take him over the edge if he will come or not.

This is one of the difficult parts of being in charge. I can’t make up my mind. Decisions, rules and punishment. Yuck! I guess I’ve got some thinking to do.